We’ve explored some reasons why sex is so difficult and the barriers that make engaging harder, and now we’re talking about how to make improvements in your sex life. It can help to understand the factors that make sex physiologically or psychologically more difficult (brakes) and things that really get your engine revving (accelerators). The key is for both partners to understand their own and each other’s turn ons and offs to change the context and set yourselves up for success to create an amazingly satisfying sex life.
Read MoreThis week we’re exploring why your partner can’t seem to do anything right, and of course by right that means the way that you do it. As Terry Real, couples therapist and creator of Relational Life Therapy says, “you can be right or you can be married.” It’s important to be able to increase your emotional intimacy with your partner, and you can do that by exploring differences in the way you approach things in life, even if your partner is folding the laundry wrong.
Read MoreSex…it’s a topic. This is something that couples will inevitably bring up in our time in couples therapy, some are upfront and ready to dive into it, and for other’s it takes some time to get comfortable discussing this part of the relationship. However, it’s essential that you are paying attention to your sexual intimacy, not so much in how often or how spicy it is, but more so understanding each person’s needs and desires. Satisfaction is key, but that looks different for everyone. This is an introduction to some of the factors that impact intimacy, and stay tuned for future posts getting more specific about how to build sexual intimacy.
Read MoreThis is a dynamic that plays out constantly in therapy when couples get into the great debate and go to World War 3 over the toilet paper, and then want to know who’s right and who’s wrong. Many couples therapists will steer far away from that, but we’re different. We’ll tell you the truth, but it may not be in the way you think. Check it out to find out my answer from working with couples for a decade.
Read MoreToday couples therapist Jaimi Douthit is exploring how to create intentional connection in your marriage. We often hear couples coming into therapy saying they feel like roommates, are around each other all the time but they have no real connection with each other. It’s not going to appear just out of no where, connection is created by being intentional and engaging with your partner. Check out this blog post to get some ideas for how to get started so that you can move from not really even caring if your partner is around to actually missing them and wanted to spend time together.
Read MoreThis week we are continuing our series on effective communication by discussing how to change the four horsemen, those behaviors that are strong predictors of divorce. If we know the behaviors to avoid, we have to do active work to change what we’ve been doing for years. We can’t expect those behaviors to just go away because we now understand how damaging they are; we have to intentionally change them. This blog post explores how to deal with each horseman and ways to go about enhancing your communication skills with your partner.
Read MoreWe’re continuing on this week with our blog series all about effective communication tools. Communication is the number 1 reason couples come to therapy, and a goal in some way, shape, or form for pretty much every couple we talk to. In today’s blog we’re talking about the 4 horsemen, behaviors that have been identified through research to be 96% effective in predicting divorce. Almost every couple engages in these behaviors from time to time, but if they are making a regular appearance in your marriage, that could spell trouble. Today I’ll be reviewing these behaviors and giving some examples, and in the next blog I’ll be exploring some solutions and ways to change these harmful communication styles. Check it out!
Read MoreArguing in front of the kids its a topic we inevitably hear about in our work with our couples therapy clients. In fact, it’s one of the few times couples are actually willing to stop and look at the ways they are talking to each other. People would likely continue along with their same patterns of destructive communication until they realize “oh yeah, this is not what I want my child to think of as the right way to be talked to.” Sky Yeater breaks down why we tend to follow the communicate patterns we engage in, how to do it differently, and how to be good role models for communication to our children. Check it out, and don’t forget to read the other blogs that are part of this series.
Read MoreWe’re continuing in our series on effective communication skills for couples by exploring the losing strategies most people use in conflict, which are completely backfiring on you. These losing strategies have been identified and researched by the creator of Relational Life Therapy Terrance Real, and today our therapist Jennifer Anderson is giving her interpretation and description of how these strategies play out in real relationships and clients we have worked with over the years. We’ve all found ourselves falling into these behaviors and using these ways of dealing with conflict, but the more aware you are the more active you can be in finding new ways to communicate…ways that you will actually be heard and get your needs met. Which of these strategies do you most often engage in?
Read MoreJoin us in our newest blog series all about exploring effective methods of communication with your partner. The number 1 issue couples come to therapy for is “communication". Of course, we need to explore what that means for each couple, but there are some overarching themes and rules that can help everyone learn to communicate better. In today’s post, our therapist Jaimi will review and explain our standard 10 fair fighting rules. As we always say, fighting isn’t the enemy in your marriage, it’s how you fight that’s tearing you apart. How many of these rules are you breaking?
Read MoreSometimes the parts of my husband that irritate me the most are the things I’m actually the most grateful for, when I take a second to think about it. In this blog post, I explore some of the science and humanity components that lead people to notice each other’s flaws and zero in on them. In actuality, it’s far more helpful to focus on finding gratitude for our partner’s flaws. Check out this post to see how and why.
Read MoreThe holidays are a time for celebration, gatherings, and joy. But for most of us, holidays can also bring about awkwardness, stress, tension, activation of painful memories, and grief. It can be difficult to navigate through our relationships on the holidays. Sky Yeater, our Counseling Intern, shares several fun and easy strategies to bring some interaction and new communication to your gatherings this holiday season. Check out this blog post and give some of these strategies a try. What could it hurt?
Read MoreCommunication is key in relationships, and being able to talk freely and clearly will be essential as we move into the holiday season. There will be times you or your partner may need some time to take a break and calm down, or need a rescue buddy at a family gathering or holiday party. Check out this blog by couples therapist Jaimi Douthit as she describes a tool she uses with clients ALL THE TIME. It’s amazing simply yet successful in improving communication for couples in multiple settings. Give it a try!
Read MoreWith the holidays coming up, stress and tensions are high as families are attempting to make plans for the holidays. Whether you agree or disagree about how to proceed, these next couple of months are bound to bring tension in your marriage and family. But don’t let any of those external factors or relationships do damage to your marriage. Keep reading to learn how to set boundaries as a couple to get through all the hard stuff by growing your connection instead of increasing conflict.
Read MoreIf you find yourself having trouble in your relationship during the election, you’re not alone. Most couples are noticing tension and stress, whether they are on the same side politically or not. It can become overwhelming, and my biggest concern is seeing the space and division in relationships. Your marriage is strong, but big events can certainly trigger both of you, taking a toll on the solid, secure feeling you had just a few months ago. Read on for my thoughts and plea for you to show compassion and reconnect on this eventful day.
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