It’s Not As Hopeless As You Think
You thought you knew your partner and have always trusted them with your life (and heart), but ever since you discovered the affair, you’re on an emotional rollercoaster that you’re not sure how to get off of. There are times you are so angry you can’t even look at your partner, and other times all you want is for them to hold and cuddle you.
You scream, you cry, and you shut down-all within the span of a few hours (or minutes). One moment you’re ready to run, and the next you want to do whatever it takes to save your marriage. Your partner has apologized over and over, and now they’re getting frustrated that you’re still talking about it. As hard as you try, anxious thoughts keep running through your head, making it hard to enjoy your time together. So what the heck should you do?
Infidelity Turns Your World Upside Down
Now that the affair is out in the open, you have no idea what to do to make things better. Should you forgive and forget, never allow your partner out of your site, track their every move, or pretend like the whole thing never happened? Should you sleep in separate rooms, or have as much sex as possible? You don’t know which way is up. It’s hard to know if you should ask the hard questions, or if the answers will hurt too bad.
As the affair partner, you wonder how much you should reveal. Will all those details really help? What if your partner starts creating visuals in their head, pictures they’ll never be able to erase? You want to be honest, and you’re ready to put in boundaries, but what if it’ll never be enough to make your partner happy? Everything has changed, and you don’t know if you have it in you to put it all back together.
You’re Both Questioning Everything You Thought You Knew, And That’s a Good Thing!
You both thought you understood your relationship and each other, but the earthquake that is infidelity has hit, and now you’re both questioning everything. In the middle of the array of emotional responses, you’re going through sadness, anger, pain, hurt, devastation, guilt, and shame-you’re beginning to recognize that there were actually problems in the marriage before the affair occurred. You had unmet needs, and so did your partner, and worse still, neither of you was communicating about that.
There are a million questions running through your head. How and why did this happen? Is there a way I can trust you again? Where do we go from here? What did I do to make this happen? Why am I not good enough? How can I be sure it’s over? How could I have betrayed my partner? Why did it get so out of hand? Is there hope for our marriage?
Affair Recovery Is Crucial for Healing
Reaching out for help is hard, and the process is challenging and painful (although painful for a purpose). But it’s a necessary process to go through in order to heal, whether that be together or apart. The beginning of affair recovery is not easy, and you shouldn’t put a timeline on it. It’s a lot to manage, and with so many uncertainties and questions about how to move forward in a healthy way, it’s infinitely harder to do this process on your own. Let us help you!
Don’t Act Out of Pure Emotion, Pause to Find Clarity
You may be anxious to move on already, but I promise you that rushing this process will not help and only hurt you. The first thing we need to do is actually slow down, understand the definition of infidelity for your particular relationship and situation, and be able to state what happened with truth instead of minimizing the situation. As your therapist guides you in exploring the affair and filling in any gaps of misunderstanding, you’ll learn more about yourselves, your partner, and your relationship than you ever thought you’d know.
As you develop healthy boundaries and a safe space to explore, you’ll begin to see the picture of your relationship and the path that led you to this place. Your therapist will not allow you to slap a band-aid over this wound, even when you want to. You cannot heal properly that way, and knowing you have someone who’s neutral with expertise in affair recovery is extremely comforting. You can trust our therapists to guide you, so give into the process that’s going to get you to a better place with the least amount of pain possible.
Stabilize, Feel Better, and Find Peace With Infidelity Counseling
You’ll begin to notice that as things stabilize and both of you are emotionally and mentally processing what happened, the “why” will start to come into focus. Armed with this knowledge, your relationship can be transformed. The sense of calm will help you rebuild trust, understanding, forgiveness, and deep love.
We’ll help you evaluate the damage the affair has done, and from here decide together whether you want to stay together or separate. Either choice is ok and valid. We will guide you in formulating a plan no matter what you decide. Both of you will learn so much from this experience, and now that everything is different, you’ll need assistance in creating boundaries for your new (and better) normal.
Relationships Are Risky, And That’s The Point
This whole experience has rocked your world, and you’ve questioned along the way how the trust will ever be restored. Throughout therapy, you’ve begun to trust your partner again, you both understand each other on a level you didn’t even know existed, you’re having fun and laughing again-and then suddenly you get an overwhelming fear response, and the thought spiral enters again. Don’t worry, this is completely normal.
Just know that you’re now able to be vulnerable and share this with your partner without getting a damaging response in return.
You’ll be amazed at how you are able to deal with problems in the relationship, and little by little, brick by brick, you’ll know the healing process was worth the risk. Forgiveness, healing, and trusting a person with your heart inherently come with risk, loving another person comes with risk, and vulnerability comes with risk. And really isn’t that the point?
Ready to Start Infidelity Counseling in League City, TX?
If you want to save your relationship and move forward with your partner, now is the time to take action. Seeking affair recovery and infidelity counseling at the Center for Couples Counseling is a crucial step in rebuilding trust and communication. Don't let shame or fear hold you back from seeking the help you need to repair your relationship and create a brighter future together. To get started with a therapist for infidelity, follow these three simple steps:
Meet with one of our skilled therapists
Begin to heal and build trust in your relationship!
Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
Our team understands your relationship might be facing different challenges. To help you work on yourself and your relationship, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety, and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!