Creating Intentional Connection
Even if couples come to therapy for other reasons, I typically end up discussing a couple’s efforts toward connecting in our sessions at some point. I hear quite a bit of “We don’t have time to connect!” and some “We live together so we are always spending time together…” but rarely do I hear, “We have made sure to be intentional in enjoying our time together and work hard to maintain our connection.” Being intentional in creating a connection and keeping it strong is more difficult than we expect.
Even a Hug Can be Intentional
Did you know that a hug needs to last at least 20 seconds for your body to begin releasing endorphins? “But Jaimi, why do we need this surge of endorphins?” Because endorphins allow us to actually feel comforted, cared for, and relaxed; that’s why! A 20-second hug gets our body to release dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin - this helps us feel happy, improves our mood, and lessens feelings of depression. All of that from a hug - I’ll take it!
It is common for us to back-burner our connection with our partner, whether that be our emotional, physical, or sexual connections. We have to be more intentional about building these connections up and then keeping them strong. Yes, all three kinds of connection!
Look at Your Love Languages
This is a great time for us to look at our love languages. When we are speaking in our partner’s love language, it is far more likely that they are willing and able to do the same in return. For example, spending quality time with a partner comes up in sessions and that is when I hear how living together must equal quality time but no no - it does not. It doesn’t take much to turn into feeling like we have a roommate instead of a loving partner.
Dedicate Time For Date Nights
Dedicate time to actually having date nights, set aside time each day for a quality check-in, and greet your partner with that 20-second hug to boost the mood! It is important for us to be intentional in different ways here; we are prioritizing our partner and our relationship, we are increasing our communication, we are making time for this connection and we are working on how to help our partner feel loved.
The unfortunate reality is that we may have been trying to tell each other what we need but have not been or felt heard. We need to literally repeat our partner’s need, “I hear you saying that you feel loved when we cuddle while we watch TV” or “I hear you saying that for you, quality time means we are having conversations while we are together instead of just sharing a space”. We are all unique so being intentional in connecting with our partner can look way different than the couple next door.
Don’t Put Off Being Intentional
If we continue to put off being intentional with our connection to our partner then the feeling of disconnection and dissatisfaction with the relationship will increase, doing damage the entire time. Now is the time to start a new habit. Turn to your partner this evening and ask each other, “What makes you feel loved?”, “How can I show you that you are important to me?” and “What can we do to prioritize our relationship?”. Ask and then do! Good luck!
My name is Jaimi Douthit and I’m a Licensed Professional Counseling Associate at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples and individuals who are ready and motivated to make changes in their lives and relationships, who can handle feedback and encouragement, and who engage in using the tools I teach in therapy outside of the therapy room. At the Center for Couples Counseling, we specialize in couples therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum mood, and anxiety disorders, self-care and burnout, and perfectionism. We help couples and individuals in the League City and Houston areas in person, and all residents of the State of Texas online. Call us at (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free phone consultation.
Begin Couples Counseling in League City, TX
Being intentional with your partner doesn’t have to be difficult. With couples counseling, you and your partner can explore the ways you can start creating intentional connections. At Center for Couples Counseling, our skilled couples therapists are here to support and guide you both through reconnection. To get started with couples therapy follow these three simple steps:
Contact us to schedule an appointment for couples counseling
Meet with one of our skilled couples therapists
Start reconnecting with your partner in a positive way!
Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
Our team understands your relationship might be facing different challenges. To help support you and your partner, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!