If you’re expecting your partner to know what you need, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. Even we don’t always understand our own thoughts and needs, so how can we expect another person to know what we want at all times. As humans in relationships, we have to put aside the old belief that if our partner really knew us, they’d be able to read out minds. We either need to learn how to ask for our needs to be met with clarity, or stop complaining. We want you to have a great and connected relationship, so we want to help you learn how to discuss your unmet needs with your partner, so that you both end up feeling connected and getting something amazing out of the relationship. Win-win!
Read MoreDo you try to control or change your partner? We all do to an extent. It’s natural to want to change something that bothers you or really gets under your skin, but it’s a losing battle to constantly attempt to control your partner or the relationship. If you want resentments to grow, keep up with the control issues. But if you want to find other ways to work together with this person you love who you chose to be in a relationship with, then you’ll need to find some other strategies. Check out this week’s blog for more ideas!
Read MoreI’ve seen fights play out in my office that couples have over and over again at home. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable, sometimes it escalates, but most of the time it’s actually great! It gives me the opportunity to step in at integral times to help couples finally break out of the cycle they’ve been in and communicate differently. One common thing couples do is complain about characteristics of the other person, and that shows up in day to day happenings. There’s a fairly simple (simple is not easy) way to get your partner to stop complaining about you and actually find more meaning in your relationship. Check out this week’s blog to find out how.
Read MoreDo you act childish during fights with your partner? You don't need to answer that, because I know you do. So does every single person on the planet, until they learn how to heal and change. Trauma is powerful, healing from trauma is even more powerful. In couples therapy you can actually heal, right in front of your partner, from the pain of your past so that the childish part of you can finally be taken care of and calm down. Your Adaptive Child does not have to come out during conflict anymore once you learn how to soothe it.
Read MoreThis week we’re exploring why your partner can’t seem to do anything right, and of course by right that means the way that you do it. As Terry Real, couples therapist and creator of Relational Life Therapy says, “you can be right or you can be married.” It’s important to be able to increase your emotional intimacy with your partner, and you can do that by exploring differences in the way you approach things in life, even if your partner is folding the laundry wrong.
Read MoreSex…it’s a topic. This is something that couples will inevitably bring up in our time in couples therapy, some are upfront and ready to dive into it, and for other’s it takes some time to get comfortable discussing this part of the relationship. However, it’s essential that you are paying attention to your sexual intimacy, not so much in how often or how spicy it is, but more so understanding each person’s needs and desires. Satisfaction is key, but that looks different for everyone. This is an introduction to some of the factors that impact intimacy, and stay tuned for future posts getting more specific about how to build sexual intimacy.
Read MoreThis is a dynamic that plays out constantly in therapy when couples get into the great debate and go to World War 3 over the toilet paper, and then want to know who’s right and who’s wrong. Many couples therapists will steer far away from that, but we’re different. We’ll tell you the truth, but it may not be in the way you think. Check it out to find out my answer from working with couples for a decade.
Read MoreThis week we are continuing our series on effective communication by discussing how to change the four horsemen, those behaviors that are strong predictors of divorce. If we know the behaviors to avoid, we have to do active work to change what we’ve been doing for years. We can’t expect those behaviors to just go away because we now understand how damaging they are; we have to intentionally change them. This blog post explores how to deal with each horseman and ways to go about enhancing your communication skills with your partner.
Read MoreWe’re continuing on this week with our blog series all about effective communication tools. Communication is the number 1 reason couples come to therapy, and a goal in some way, shape, or form for pretty much every couple we talk to. In today’s blog we’re talking about the 4 horsemen, behaviors that have been identified through research to be 96% effective in predicting divorce. Almost every couple engages in these behaviors from time to time, but if they are making a regular appearance in your marriage, that could spell trouble. Today I’ll be reviewing these behaviors and giving some examples, and in the next blog I’ll be exploring some solutions and ways to change these harmful communication styles. Check it out!
Read MoreArguing in front of the kids its a topic we inevitably hear about in our work with our couples therapy clients. In fact, it’s one of the few times couples are actually willing to stop and look at the ways they are talking to each other. People would likely continue along with their same patterns of destructive communication until they realize “oh yeah, this is not what I want my child to think of as the right way to be talked to.” Sky Yeater breaks down why we tend to follow the communicate patterns we engage in, how to do it differently, and how to be good role models for communication to our children. Check it out, and don’t forget to read the other blogs that are part of this series.
Read MoreJoin us in our newest blog series all about exploring effective methods of communication with your partner. The number 1 issue couples come to therapy for is “communication". Of course, we need to explore what that means for each couple, but there are some overarching themes and rules that can help everyone learn to communicate better. In today’s post, our therapist Jaimi will review and explain our standard 10 fair fighting rules. As we always say, fighting isn’t the enemy in your marriage, it’s how you fight that’s tearing you apart. How many of these rules are you breaking?
Read MoreThe holidays are a time for celebration, gatherings, and joy. But for most of us, holidays can also bring about awkwardness, stress, tension, activation of painful memories, and grief. It can be difficult to navigate through our relationships on the holidays. Sky Yeater, our Counseling Intern, shares several fun and easy strategies to bring some interaction and new communication to your gatherings this holiday season. Check out this blog post and give some of these strategies a try. What could it hurt?
Read MoreCommunication is key in relationships, and being able to talk freely and clearly will be essential as we move into the holiday season. There will be times you or your partner may need some time to take a break and calm down, or need a rescue buddy at a family gathering or holiday party. Check out this blog by couples therapist Jaimi Douthit as she describes a tool she uses with clients ALL THE TIME. It’s amazing simply yet successful in improving communication for couples in multiple settings. Give it a try!
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