This week’s blog is exploring a concept near and dear to our newest therapist Sky’s heart-relational perfectionism. If you are conflict avoidant or notice that you have a negative reaction to the idea of conflict, especially in the form of judgement, you’ll want to learn more about this concept. Is conflict the enemy of relationships? Many researchers would argue no, conflict is good for relationships. With my 10 years of experience in couples therapy, I have to say I agree. Conflict serves many valuable functions in relationships, including enhancing connection and growth. Learn from Sky’s personal experience and how she integrates this concept into couples therapy.
Read MoreWhat do you think the number one problem couples are facing that results in seeking therapy? Communication. By far, couples are looking for help with their communication. But what does that really mean? In therapy, one of the first things the therapist will dissect and help you understand is the dance of communication you both use, especially in times of conflict. This week’s blog covers 3 different demon dialogues-based on the model of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy by Sue Johnson. Understanding these behavioral patterns is essential to discovering new ways of interacting, resolving conflict, and creating meaningful connection. Which pattern does your relationship fall into?
Read MoreIf you’re expecting your partner to know what you need, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. Even we don’t always understand our own thoughts and needs, so how can we expect another person to know what we want at all times. As humans in relationships, we have to put aside the old belief that if our partner really knew us, they’d be able to read out minds. We either need to learn how to ask for our needs to be met with clarity, or stop complaining. We want you to have a great and connected relationship, so we want to help you learn how to discuss your unmet needs with your partner, so that you both end up feeling connected and getting something amazing out of the relationship. Win-win!
Read MoreDo you try to control or change your partner? We all do to an extent. It’s natural to want to change something that bothers you or really gets under your skin, but it’s a losing battle to constantly attempt to control your partner or the relationship. If you want resentments to grow, keep up with the control issues. But if you want to find other ways to work together with this person you love who you chose to be in a relationship with, then you’ll need to find some other strategies. Check out this week’s blog for more ideas!
Read MoreI’ve seen fights play out in my office that couples have over and over again at home. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable, sometimes it escalates, but most of the time it’s actually great! It gives me the opportunity to step in at integral times to help couples finally break out of the cycle they’ve been in and communicate differently. One common thing couples do is complain about characteristics of the other person, and that shows up in day to day happenings. There’s a fairly simple (simple is not easy) way to get your partner to stop complaining about you and actually find more meaning in your relationship. Check out this week’s blog to find out how.
Read MoreDo you act childish during fights with your partner? You don't need to answer that, because I know you do. So does every single person on the planet, until they learn how to heal and change. Trauma is powerful, healing from trauma is even more powerful. In couples therapy you can actually heal, right in front of your partner, from the pain of your past so that the childish part of you can finally be taken care of and calm down. Your Adaptive Child does not have to come out during conflict anymore once you learn how to soothe it.
Read More