The Joy of Giving: Acts of Love in Your Relationship
My favorite holiday in the whole world is Christmas. I get so excited about anything glittery, elf themed, or that plays on a peppermint motif. I enjoy giving gifts that are meaningful and making recipes that have become traditions for our family. However, most of us don’t experience joy 100% of the holiday season.
It can get stressful and overwhelming finding presents for everyone, preparing a menu, decorating, and dealing with family awkwardness. AND it’s also a time for connection. Some couples struggle to deal with the stress of the holiday season as a team; they turn against each other or accomplish tasks single handedly or feel isolated and alone.
For the luckiest (or perhaps most intentional) of couples, the holidays are a time to give your partner your time and attention, build a strong foundation, and create rituals that will solidify an extra special and loving relationship-even during the holiday season.
The Gift of Presence: Quality Time During the Holidays
While you may feel like you are a chicken with your head cut off running around to get everything done at the holidays, you actually have choices about how you spend your time. Spending quality time with your partner can be the most precious gift you can give to yourself and your relationship. Discover ways to create moments of connection and intimacy, from prepping your meal together, baking and getting flirty with the chocolate, or snugging up for a marathon of Christmas movies. These simple acts can lead to lasting memories, create rituals and traditions, and deepen your bond as a couple.
The Art of Thoughtful Giving: Meaningful Gifts for Your Partner
Selecting a gift that resonates with your partner’s heart is one of the most meaningful things you can do for your relationship. This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot of money or buy something extravagant. I challenge you to find a gift that brings back a significant memory from the formation of your relationship, give an experience that can bring about fun and adventure, or give something that appeals to the sentimental side of your partner. A handmade gift or heartfelt card also make great gifts. Giving gifts in your relationship should enhance your connection and speak to your partner on a deeper level.
Acts of Service: A Recipe for Love in the Kitchen
The kitchen can be a place of joy and togetherness, especially during the holidays. Even if you’re not a 5 star Michelin chef, you can still find some fun by perusing recipes together, laughing at finding the most extravagant cake that you will never make, and in the end going with the break-and-bake Tollhouse cookies. I mean, they are really good hot and fresh out of the oven. Cooking together promotes collaboration, laughter, playfulness, and the joy of accomplishment for what you’ve created as a couple.
Gratitude: Expressing Thanks in Your Relationship
Gratitude should not be overlooked, and expressing appreciation is proven to be an act that leads to successful relationships. Do this out loud and/or with something visual, like a cute note, card, ornament, or text. The holiday season is a perfect time to acknowledge all the bits and pieces your partner has done to create special memories for your family and relationship.
The Gift of Understanding: Navigating Family Dynamics
The holidays typically come with family gatherings, which can be delightful and challenging all at the same time. Family dynamics are often complicated, and while you can see things from a somewhat outside perspective, your partner will likely be pulled back into the thick of their FOOBS (Family Of Origin BullShit). You do not need to jump in and fix anything, speak for your partner, or go off on your Father-in-Law (although you may want to). Navigating family dynamics and the complexities of interpersonal relationships and emotions is an opportunity for you to understand your partner better, and become more attuned to them. You can engage in strategies to diffuse tension and support each other, resulting in feeling aligned and connected.
The Power of Shared Traditions: Building Your Holiday Legacy
It’s time to establish your own holiday traditions as a couple and a family. My husband and I enjoy decorating the tree, finding new recipes, and attending a holiday themed Cirque du Soleil show that comes to town every year. We’ve recently started hosting his company holiday party at our home, which requires coordination and communication. Shared traditions strengthen a couple’s bond and contribute to the legacy of your relationship. Plus, it’s fun to explore and build your own unique holiday traditions.
Acts of Forgiveness: Clearing the Path for a Fresh Start
As the year draws to a close and you find yourself needing to get intentional about leaving behind the stress and overwhelm of the holidays, you can also reflect on the trajectory of your relationship and the ebbs and flows of the past year. The power of apologies and forgiveness is undeniably intense. Explore how to heal, let go, forgive grievances of the past, and embrace the joy of your relationship through a fresh lens. The gift of forgiveness can pave the way for a stronger, more resilient connection in the coming year. Who knows, maybe you’ll be more in love with your partner than ever before by the next holiday season.
The Promise of Tomorrow: Setting Relationship Goals for the New Year
Looking to the future can be an enjoyable and meaningful experience for your relationship. Make the relationship a priority by setting specific couple goals and exploring what you both need for increased growth and connection. Just the act of exploring your life goals and supporting each other’s future dreams will bring about closeness and connection. Looking towards tomorrow is a beautiful gift you can give each other. The quote that guides my marriage is “Adventure is Out There”, so we tend to focus on what adventure we will embark on next, which allows for playfulness, fun, and dreaming together.
Consider the spirit of the holiday and give as much as you can to yourself and your relationship. After all, after the meal is inhaled quickly and 3 months of shopping is unwrapped in 15 minutes, your relationship will still be there, and you’ll want it to be strong. There are small gestures that can create moments of joy and appreciation, meaningful expressions of love and connection, and form traditions that will extend beyond your relationship to impact your intergenerational legacy. The true magic of the season lies in the love you share, the effort you put into your relationship, and the joy in giving to each other.
My name is Erika Labuzan-Lopez, LMFT-S, LPC-S and I’m the owner at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love using a variety of techniques to help couples learn why they move into childish spaces during conflict, how to put down those defenses for good, and what to do when you can’t access the tools you know will work to get out of conflict. I love working with couples and individuals to learn how to live in the world more relationally and engage in meaningful relationships. With over a decade of couples therapy experience, I am passionate about training and supervising therapists to become specialized in highly effective couples therapy. We see couples, individuals, and all residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule your FREE phone consultation.
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Are you and your partner struggling with marital issues? Looking to build a strong and secure relationship? At Center For Couples Counseling, you and your partner can learn to reconnect, create a healthy relationship, and gain support from our skilled couples therapists. To get started with couples therapy follow these three simple steps:
Contact us to schedule an appointment
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