Balancing the Hustle and Bustle: Syncing Love Languages and Cozying Up to Connection
Affixed to my very favorite “insulated beverage vessel” is my very favorite sticker. I look at these 5 pastel colored letters every day and smile. This one single word sparks joy within me. That word is Hygge. If you’re unfamiliar with hygge (pronounced “hoo-gah”), buckle up because we’re about to go to the land of woodland walks, gnomes, mulled wine, and oversized scarves. Oh my! Hygge is a Danish term that embodies the warm, cozy feeling you get when you’re tucked under a blanket with a cup of your favorite warm bevvy, surrounded by good company and soft lighting. It’s like your favorite fuzzy sweater—but for your soul.
For many of us, the holidays can be a challenging, nay, a dreaded time of year. For a myriad of reasons, we might experience a seasonal phenomena I like to term Scrooge Syndrome or Grinch Disorder. Both Scrooge and the Grinch spent most of their lives avoiding connection and comfort, preferring isolation to the warmth that Hygge brings. Neither had room for physical affection—Scrooge was too busy counting coins, and the Grinch was, well, he was preoccupied with some seasonal thievery. Yet, once they let others in, they each found joy in the simple, cozy moments. Scrooge, surrounded by the Cratchit family, and the Grinch, standing hand-in-hand with the Whos, both discovered that love languages—whether through Physical Touch, Acts of Service, or Quality Time—are the heart of Hygge. In my role as a therapist, one of my favorite things is embarking upon the journey together towards discovering the joys of experiencing a unified partnership. You might not care about untangling last year’s ball of lights, and I might loathe when you start making that weird side-dish you insist is a holiday must. But purposeful pumping of the sleigh brakes can allow us the opportunity to profoundly bond.
Hygge, Meet the Love Languages
So how does hygge fit in with love languages? Think of it as the ultimate environment in which to practice them. Hygge is all about slowing down, simplifying, and savoring the moment. And if you’ve ever felt like you were speaking a different language from your partner, particularly during this time of year, you're not alone! Let’s break down how you can bring hygge vibes into your love language game:
Words of Affirmation: Whisper Sweet Hygge Nothings
If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, hygge is the perfect backdrop for those heartfelt conversations. Imagine this: you’re both curled up on the couch, wrapped in your favorite blankets, and the glow of the fireplace is dancing on the walls (or screen in Texas, where the digital fireplace will oftentimes suffice in both warmth and ambience). Such a setting can provide the perfect backdrop to turn to your partner and say, “You make this season so much brighter for me.” Add in a few candles, a hot drink, and suddenly your words of affirmation are wrapped in the coziest package possible. Hark! It’s not just about what you say—it’s about creating an environment where those words can land softly and sweetly. Extra points if you share something about their character or a difference they’ve made in your life. Cue the fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la festive feels.
Acts of Service: Hygge-ify Your Home
What’s more hygge than turning your space into a haven of coziness? For the partner whose love language is acts of service, lighting a few candles, putting on some soft music, and surprising them by prepping a cozy evening with all their favorite things might just be the ultimate gesture. For the more practically inclined, cleaning out the gutters or helping to decorate means a lot! Make the house smell like freshly baked cookies, set up their favorite cozy socks by the door, and you’ve got a hygge paradise they’ll deeply appreciate.
Receiving Gifts: Hygge in a Box
Okay, so your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, but before start Googling “best last-minute holiday presents,” take a breath. It’s not about the price tag—it’s about showing you know them. If you struggle to find the “perfect” gift, don’t panic. Remember you can ask for insight from family and friends. On the other hand, giving to someone whose love language is receiving gifts, the holidays can feel like a time to shine. But instead of just wrapping up another impersonal, trending, trinket, why not curate a hygge-themed gift? Think of things that promote coziness and warmth—a chunky knit blanket, a candle that smells like sugarplum fairies, a pair of slippers so soft they’ll never want to take them off. These thoughtful, comfort-oriented gifts show you’re not just thinking of what they want—you’re thinking of what will make them feel nurtured and loved.
Quality Time: Hygge Is Quality Time on Steroids
Quality time is basically the cornerstone of hygge. It’s all about slowing down, being present, and enjoying simple pleasures together. The key is being fully engaged with each other in the moment. The holidays are packed with activities, but if your partner’s love language is quality time, odds are, they’re craving some one-on-one moments amidst the chaos. Picture this: You’re both exhausted after a day of holiday shopping, you’re covered in the gift that keeps on giving, glitter (and from what or where, you’ve no clue), but the last thing you want to do is more. That’s the perfect time to hit pause and commence cuddles. Put the screens down and just be together—no holiday stress, no expectations, just you two. Quality time isn’t about grand gestures. It can be as simple as being alone together. Read those two sentences again.
Physical Touch: Holding Hands and Space the Hygge Way
For someone whose love language is physical touch, the hygge lifestyle is the ultimate love language amplifier. The tactile partner shines during the holidays as opportunities for warm, cozy moments abound. Whether it’s holding hands while you brave the mall or sneaking a hug while cooking together, these little moments help your partner feel grounded amidst the seasonal madness. If the holidays bring tension (hello, awkward family dinners), a reassuring touch can remind your partner that you’re in this together. And when things get especially stressful, taking a moment to cuddle up can be the perfect reset.
The Gift of Couples Counseling
While love languages and hygge can help keep the connection strong during the holidays, sometimes relationships need a little extra support—especially during this high-pressure season. When holiday plans go awry or the pressure of meeting family obligations takes its toll, communication often becomes the first casualty. Misunderstandings, unspoken expectations, and general stress can quickly lead to conflict. If this time of year brings out the cracks in your relationship, that’s OK. Couples counseling can be the gift that keeps on giving.
The right therapist can guide you in understanding each other’s needs more deeply and finding ways to support one another in meaningful ways—not just during the holidays, but year-round
From Me to You: A Gift of Resources
These resources can help you deepen your understanding of how hygge, love languages, and communication all intersect.
On Love Languages:
1. “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman
This classic is a must-read for understanding how to communicate love in ways that are meaningful to your partner. It’s a foundational piece for bringing more intentionality and understanding into your relationship.
On Hygge and Creating Cozy Spaces:
2. “The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living” by Meik Wiking
This is a fantastic introduction to hygge for anyone looking to understand and embrace the concept. Wiking, CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, shares simple, approachable ideas for bringing hygge into your daily life.
3.“The Year of Living Danishly: Uncovering the Secrets of the World’s Happiest Country” by Helen Russell
A fun and informative read on Danish culture and how it fosters a sense of well-being. While not entirely about hygge, it touches on the broader Danish lifestyle, including coziness, community, and slowing down.
On the Intersection of Hygge and Relationships:
4. “Hygge: The Danish Art of Happiness” by Marie Tourell Søderberg
This book provides practical tips on creating hygge in your home and life, which can be especially beneficial for couples looking to create a warm, stress-free environment year-round.
Wrap your arms around your partner, pull them into the coziest snuggle, and just be. This holiday season, let hygge be your secret weapon to surviving the holiday hustle with your relationship intact.
Happy Holidays, and may your hygge game be strong!
Hey there! I’m Tamsin, and I am a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate located in League City, Tx. I am an LBGTQ+ affirming counselor, specializing in helping people see their relationship in a new way so they can change their behavior. I believe we can all have the relationship we really want by challenging our mindsets and learning to grow together. If you're seeking a therapist who will sit with you as we explore all the pieces of your relational puzzle in a non-judgmental way, please call (832) 827-3288. Our Center serves couples and individuals in League City and Houston, Texas and all residents of Texas online!
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