Small Gestures, Big Impact: Expressing Love in Everyday Moments
I always love when we hit that moment in a couples therapy session where one partner realizes that the unmet needs of the other are such simple and small gestures - almost unbelievably simple. “THAT is all you wanted?!” We feel the room lighten as we learn that stepping in and initiating a task they don’t typically do or greeting their partner with a moment of individual attention, a hug and kiss, was really all their partner needed to feel connected and loved. These small gestures make a huge impact on our relationship and dip into that ripple effect we have talked about.
One key trick to this is stepping out of one of our favorite habits of making things more difficult than they really are and allowing the pressure to dissipate.
What small gestures are we talking about? Of course, there is a uniqueness to these needs that will apply to your relationship and cannot be labeled as something that guarantees connection across the board but we can explore how this process often looks. A great place to start is exploring some of the ways we can build connection in a relationship; mindfulness and intentionality, celebration and pride, kindness and compassion, quality time, affection and spontaneity.
These are all beautiful places to start when we want our partner to feel loved and connected but what can it look like?
Mindfulness and Intentionality
We don’t have to wait until our partner has had a stressful day or is feeling overwhelmed to be more mindful and intentional. Sometimes this can look like us taking something “off their plate” like making sure the trash is taken out or the dishes or laundry are completely caught up. Maybe this looks like us being particularly intentional in prioritizing our connection like greeting our partner and having a legitimate check-in when we see each other after a day apart.
Celebration and Pride
It feels really really good to feel special and to feel like your partner is excited for you and proud of you. When we are given an opportunity to brag about our partner or actually say the words, “I am so proud of you”, do it! We have such an incredible power to raise our partner up and not hearing those words hits far harder than we typically give credit. We work so hard to make our way through life and to fight to succeed, why can’t we give each other more credit for that? Shout it from the rooftops, “I LOVE YOU AND AM PROUD OF YOU!”
Kindness and Compassion
We can find kindness and compassion in so many places within a relationship, in fact, these are key pieces of implementing connection with your partner. Through kindness and compassion, we are able to become more and more effective in building connections within our relationships. We may utilize kindness and compassion as we make sure to check in with our partners after a long day or as we pick up ingredients to make their favorite meal as we get groceries for the week, sometimes it is us simply asking how we can support them in that moment.
Quality Time
Investing time in your relationship will look different for everyone; sometimes we have to be more intentional because we spend so much time together but don’t feel connected and sometimes we have to be more intentional in our quality time because we barely have any time together so the time we do have needs to be managed particularly well. It is imperative to ensure that we know what that quality time looks like to us and our partner. If our partner just needs to be sharing a general space with us but we really need to be sharing an activity or having conversation to feel like we are really building our quality time, we can waste a ton of energy trying to accomplish this mutual goal and go absolutely nowhere with it.
Affection
Sometimes affection is literally sex, sometimes affection is an intentional 20 second hug and sometimes it is laying your hand on your partner’s back or twirling that little tuft of hair on their neckline while you lay in silence in front of your favorite show. Physical affection releases that wonderful love hormone, oxytocin and we LOVE the natural release of the love hormone.
Spontaneity
Having a moment of spontaneity is a really awesome way to have some fun with your partner! This can look like a fun date night or a “just thinking about you” little surprise gift. One of my favorite moments of spontaneity is a little love note from one partner to the other because this is something that takes thought, compassion, intention and energy but is a really small and simple gesture.
When I think of the lifetime of a strong relationship, I can’t help but imagine all of the small moments that really created such an incredible connection within that partnership. Knowing that we can trust our partner to be on our team and act compassionately and lovingly towards us brings a sheet of comfort over even the most difficult days. As we work to build up simple moments of connection, we are investing time and energy into strengthening this incredible bond that will help maintain a healthy and loving relationship for the rest of our lives and that alone brings feelings of strength and security. This is your sign to check in with your partner and discuss what small gestures would have big impacts in your relationship, today!
My name is Jaimi Douthit and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples and individuals who are ready and motivated to make changes in their lives and relationships, who can handle feedback and encouragement, and engage in using the tools I teach in therapy outside of the therapy room. At the Center for Couples Counseling, we specialize in couples therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, self-care and burnout, and perfectionism. We help couples and individuals in the League City and Houston areas in person, and all residents of the State of Texas online. Call us at (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free phone consultation.
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