Why Self Care During the Holidays is Essential-Not Optional
If self-care is important in our day to day lives, then self-care during the holidays definitely has to be a priority. I have heard about some amazing work towards self-care this week from my clients and I just had to discuss how significant it is that we spend that energy on ourselves this season!
First, let’s review what even counts as self-care. What I hear too often is a list of maintenance work that is being counted as self-care; maintenance and self-care are just two entirely different things. Society tells us that we should shower regularly and maybe we are the type to not fully function until we have that first cup of coffee… those are two pretty basic pieces of someone’s day, but we can shift that from maintenance to self-care fairly easily.
Being intentional and mindful about showering or that cup of coffee can completely change the benefits of our experiences; sure we are (hopefully) clean after a shower but if we take the time to enjoy the temperature of the water, dedicate effort to really scrubbing down our bodies, giving ourselves time and space to thrive in the smell of our products, spending time with ourselves as we dry off - that shower has turned into a level of recovery. Amazing job! That cup of coffee - YES! We are going to be more intentional with that too! We have room to be intentional as we get our supplies together, as we mix our preferred version of coffee up and as we actually take that coffee into our bodies.
The point is that if we can find self-care, pleasure and recovery in our day to day lives, then the ordinary is able to become something special. This allows it to become far easier to recover from difficult or stressful situations. We all have our handy-dandy bucket of “ability to function” and if we let that bucket get too close to empty or we actually reach the bottom, it feels drastically more difficult to fill back up. If we invest in our self-care journey and continue to fill that bucket up over time, then we are far more likely to be well equipped to handle a doozy of a stressor - like the holidays.
So what does holiday-specific self-care look like?
We can always go back to our oldies but goodies like preparing a safeword with your partner or plan for an effective escape route (check out this blog for more info). This way, if your environment or the people in it become overwhelming (read more), we can text or yell out “fruit cup” and we know our immediate goal is to team up and break away. This can sometimes be even easier as an individual - wild how exhausting the holidays can be! Maybe it is best if you excuse yourself for that much needed nap and spend some time catching up on your favorite show or reading a book you enjoy.
“This all sounds great but what if ‘getting away’ to recover and self-care just isn’t an option?” I totally get it - we don’t always have the option to step out at the moment we need it most. Making a plan and having accountability with your therapist ensures your recovery is well-planned. When your bucket is empty, you have to prioritize your refill process! This is one of my favorite things to do with clients, as we are able to engage creatively, find new things to try or revisit old successes, and we dig to levels of meaning that seems so far away on the surface.
The holidays can provide us an amazing opportunity to practice those internal skills we are looking to feel stronger and more confident in. Maybe this holiday season, we are working to reframe our thoughts or the situations we find ourselves in or maybe we are being more considerate about who we give power to. Maybe we are working hard to process what we actually have control over when it comes to our families and the holidays. Remember, the holidays can make us feel forced to participate with toxic and unhealthy family members so being compassionate with yourself is super important. What does that look like for you?
Being compassionate with yourself is a necessary part of the holiday season, whether that be compassion for our need to grieve a loss, process time with toxic family or actually giving ourselves space and time to recover from all that we give during this time with our families and friends. The holiday season comes with a variety of challenges and that is okay, be kind to yourself!