One Therapist’s Struggle with Postpartum Anxiety and Why You Should Get Help Sooner Than I Did
My Experience With Postpartum Anxiety
For the first 3 months of my baby’s life, I woke up and checked her breathing every 10-15 minutes - each night. I was plagued with the vision of my baby dying in her sleep, and that thought became intrusive and uncontrollable. It was one of the hardest times of my life.
As a therapist, I never thought I would experience postpartum anxiety, but if you want proof that therapists are truly human, my story proves that. I was embarrassed to tell my OB about my symptoms, and because I’m a high-achieving perfectionist, she overlooked my struggles. I felt shame, I allowed my thoughts to develop into obsessions, and I didn’t seek support.
When I’d walk down the sidewalk or in a store with my daughter in the baby-wearing contraption (that I’m impressed to this day is something a person can put on by themselves while holding an infant), I’d see vivid images play out of me tripping and falling onto my child. These are what postpartum depression and anxiety experts call scary thoughts. Scary is an understatement. (To learn more about intrusive thoughts and how to cope, I highly recommend this book.)
Postpartum Anxiety and Postpartum Depression Have Many Misconceptions
Most people have misconceptions about both postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. Despite what some think, people experiencing either postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety do not want to hurt their babies. They do love their child and desire to bond, and they can heal (and often with good support).
What is Postpartum Anxiety
Postpartum anxiety is characterized as excessive, uncontrollable, or irrational anxiety in the months before or after giving birth. All moms are worried about keeping their tiny humans alive. We’re actually hard-wired to become hypervigilant when infants are very young as it is essential to survival. When your worry inhibits you from getting through your day or going out of your way to avoid a distressing thought or trigger, you may be experiencing clinical postpartum anxiety.
Take the example above with the visions of falling on the baby. A mom with postpartum anxiety may painstakingly avoid using the stairs. Or will only go places that are one story or have an elevator. If you’re like me will tap your foot 3 times on each step or curb before moving ahead. I’ve had clients who were so consumed by their anxious thoughts and how to avoid them. They spent their days suffering and fixating, wrapped in shame about their identity as a new mom being a failure.
Symptoms of Postpartum Anxiety
Postpartum anxiety symptoms are like those of other anxiety disorders. I learned later in my certification training that people with underlying anxiety disorders or tendencies toward perfectionism are more likely to experience postpartum anxiety. As the new mother hormones flood the brain after giving birth (the ones designed to help you keep your baby alive). They can also flip a switch that activates dormant areas in the brain, in which case you may display behaviors/symptoms that are new to you. For example, I have a natural tendency towards anxiety and perfectionism. Once those areas got turned on by the new mother hormones, I began to display OCD behaviors. The mechanism was present in the brain all along.
Symptoms may include racing thoughts, perpetual worry, and frequent concerns that something bad will happen to the baby. Other symptoms include appetite disruption, sleep issues, restlessness, dizzy spells, hot flashes, nausea, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, and panic attacks. Postpartum anxiety can show up in many forms, and no two people will present the same way.
Most Women Experience The Baby Blues Postpartum
About 85% of women experience some form of sadness and anxiety during the postpartum period. Symptoms decrease and go away within two weeks of giving birth. This is known as the baby blues. Baby blues can increase the risk of postpartum anxiety by four times. Traumatic births and a history of anxiety or depression are also risk factors and should be considered. If symptoms are persisting for longer than two weeks, it’s time to seek support and get an evaluation.
All parents are nervous, fearful, and worried about being good parents. Sometimes it’s hard to know if what you’re experiencing is a normal amount of anxiety in the transition to new parenthood, or if you have postpartum anxiety. If the anxiety is impairing your ability to function at home or work, it’s likely you have postpartum anxiety. Remember, in my story, I was engaging in checking behaviors every 10-15 minutes every night. It was impairing my functioning, and still, I didn’t see it at the time.
Don’t Suffer in Silence With Your Postpartum Anxiety
Because these symptoms, thoughts, and feelings are hard to acknowledge and so painful to live through, so many suffer in silence. Shame prevents people from seeking help because of fear of judgment, dismissal, misunderstanding, or being treated like you’re crazy. You may feel like a failure, but I promise you are not. I sat in my postpartum anxiety for far too long, but I finally took the steps to heal. That’s why I wanted to specialize in treating postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety - because you are not alone and deserve to be well. I’m living proof that this part of your life won’t last forever, and you can get some relief by asking for help.
Postpartum Anxiety Treatment
Therapy and Self-Care
Psychotherapy with someone who specializes in postpartum anxiety is particularly effective, and conjointly doing therapy and taking psychotropic medication is the gold standard. It’s also essential that you engage in self-care (journaling, exercising, movement, deep breathing, relaxation, meditation, rest, and socializing). Learn to be compassionate with yourself and give yourself grace, and find new ways to communicate your needs to your partner.
Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is a helpful place to start - especially if you find a couples therapist who also has postpartum anxiety training. Both partners gain an understanding of symptoms, reset expectations, and learn how to support each other. This already stressful period of life will not only help you navigate this period of time better, but it will also change your whole marriage. Going through something so challenging and painful results in increased empathy and intimacy, and once you’re on the other side you’ll know you can conquer anything together.
Upon reflection, I was able to see that there were other underlying reasons (because hormones, shame, and logistics of a new baby aren’t enough) that I chose not to get help when I needed it. By finally healing and getting to the other side of postpartum anxiety, I was able to also understand my own trauma responses, defense mechanisms, and the lack of self-worth that kept me in pain and suffering far longer than necessary. My experience with postpartum anxiety was a gift, and it changed my life for the better. My hope in sharing more about my story is that you can feel empowered to seek help early. That you can find meaning in this painful experience, and that you believe you are worth healing.
About The Author
My name is Erika Labuzan-Lopez, LMFT-S, LPC-S and I’m the owner of the Center for Couples Counseling. I love using a variety of techniques to help couples learn why they move into childish spaces during the conflict, how to put down those defenses for good, and what to do when you can’t access the tools you know will work to get out of conflict. I love working with couples and individuals to learn how to live in the world more relationally and engage in meaningful relationships. With over a decade of couples therapy experience, I am passionate about training and supervising therapists to become specialized in highly effective couples therapy. We see couples, individuals, and all residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule your FREE phone consultation.
Begin Postpartum Therapy in League City, TX
We know having a baby can bring a lot of new changes in your life. But you shouldn’t have to suffer from postpartum symptoms. At Center for Couples Therapy, we want to help you, and your partner, navigate through this new time in your lives. To get started with in-person or online postpartum therapy follow these simple steps:
Meet with one of our skilled postpartum therapists
Break free from your Postpartum Anxiety symptoms
Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
Our team understands you might be facing different relationship challenges. Our Texas practice offers individual relationship therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!