When to Call in the Pros: Knowing When Couples Therapy can Help De-escalate Conflict
Starting to notice that your relationship feels fragile more often than not? Fights are escalating to irrational places and it’s even more challenging to find a resolution. Having conflict in a relationship is normal but it’s the lack of resolution that screams it’s time for a professional.
I look at it like this: couples are experiencing a horrible virus that has made their immune system become weaker. The love is still there but their main system has been attacked so much that the smallest fight can disrupt the whole relationship. This causes lack of communication, little resolution to conflict, and lack of trust. Let me highlight some areas that are signs that it’s time to call a couples therapist and schedule an appointment.
Frequency and Intensity of Conflict
When you are constantly fighting and engaging in criticism and defensiveness with one another, it can start to feel like you are not a team anymore. This makes the repair process more challenging. Couples therapists have techniques that help navigate these times more effectively. One of the things we do in session is set some ground rules for fair fighting. It highlights areas that need to be refined in order to produce a safe environment to feel heard and vulnerable during conflict.
Lack of Resolution
I hear this one frequently. “ We are great at communication, but we never resolve anything.” “We just change the subject and agree to disagree at some point.” Sometimes this is okay, but if you're noticing it’s the same subject coming up over and over that you are not resolving, it starts to breed feelings of resentment. One or both partners tend to minimize this subconsciously because they don’t want to rock the boat. My goal in couples therapy sessions is to facilitate an environment that helps couples find a resolution that honors both partners.
Major Life Transitions
Loss of family members, becoming parents, moving, and new careers all have the ability to create challenges for even the most connected couples. Strong couples tend to think they don’t need help because “this is just a hard season in life”. I mean, that’s true. But, all of these life transitions can create symptoms of anxiety and depression that, if left untreated, can make partners feel isolated in their relationship.
Look, it’s probably bad for business to say that this doesn’t mean you absolutely need therapy during these times. I just want you to assess symptoms like, low mood more days than not, anxiety that feels like you're spinning out of control, and/or engaging in coping mechanisms that are unhealthy. Get your butt to couples therapy so we don’t go past the point of no return.
Trust Issues and Assumptions
When we don’t feel like our relationship exhibits a place for safe communication, we outsource for understanding. Whether it be a friend or family member, we look for validation. Family members tend to be one sided/biased because they ultimately want the best for you. Friends can be a potential safe place for discernment, but you want to make sure they are not falsely empowering your side of conflict.
Your partner could be making assumptions about your communication with those friends and relationships. It’s important to facilitate an environment that maintains trust within the relationship. If you sense outsourcing of feelings is making your partner uncomfortable, working with a couples therapist will create a supportive environment with a third party that cares about each partner.
If your back was hurting and you couldn’t turn your neck, you’d go to the chiropractor or massage therapist. If your car was acting up you’d take it to a mechanic. When your nails are looking rough, you go to the nail salon. But couples often experience escalated conflict, disconnection, anger, and resentment for years without seeking professional help. If your car and nails deserve attention and care, so does your marriage/relationship. Don’t wait years to get help when there are resources available. Your relationship deserves better.
My name is Jennifer Anderson and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate and a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate with the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples who are looking to build strong and secure relationships, who are ready to take accountability for their own actions, and who are willing to make changes and increase vulnerability to grow closer and enhance the connection in their relationship. I help couples and individuals in the League City, Kemah, and Houston, Texas areas, and residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. I’d love to help!
Begin Couples Therapy in League City, TX
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At the Center for Couples Counseling, we understand you or your relationship may be facing different challenges. To help you work on yourself and your relationship, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety, and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!