Cultivating Trust in Long Distance Relationships
Long distance relationships can create challenges if one or both partners struggle with communication. Physical and relational distance can leave too much space for assumptions about what the other person is doing. Trust is the most important foundation in a secure relationship. Couples therapy almost always focuses on trust in one way or another.
Personally, I've experienced a range of good and bad experiences with engaging in a long distance relationship. The best experience I had led to a twenty year relationship that is still going strong. When my husband and I met, he was moving to Dallas two weeks later to attend firefighter academy /school/training. I actually joked with him in those first two weeks that it would be so awesome to have a friend in Dallas. He in turn looked at me and said, “Okay…Sure, friends!” He lived in Dallas for 6 months and returned to Houston. Two years later we were married. This experience has helped me appreciate how to create trust in a relationship where you can’t always be physically present. Below I have highlighted some behaviors that are productive in creating a secure relationship under these circumstances.
Constant Communication
While I wasn't physically present in my husband's day to day activities, I knew his work and school schedule because we talked so frequently. I trusted him more and more by his continued and deliberate check-ins between my school schedule. We enjoyed sharing with one another the highlights and challenges we went through. One of the benefits of being in this type of relationship is it forces you to go deeper in communication due to the distance. I learned more about him on my drives to and from Dallas than I feel we ever would have had from being in the same location.
Embracing Time Together
One of the exciting parts about long distance relationships is planning for the opportunities you do have to be physically present. It’s so important to embrace these situations and show your partner that you are equally engaged in making attempts to see one another. We both had crazy schedules and needed to be deliberate about scheduling. We both trusted one another to follow through with all the details that needed to be managed to embrace this time.
Sharing the Good and the Uncomfortable
Many relationships start with lighter conversations that are meant to understand each other's worlds better and to help find confidence that you are compatible. It may seem counterproductive to talk about challenging experiences with each other when you only have limited times to talk. However, if you don’t allow your partner to know about these experiences, you limit their understanding of who you really are. For example, we both had other people try to set us up on dates during our long distance relationship. Instead of hiding these details, we shared these experiences with one another and actually had some funny conversations related to it. His ability to share this with me grew my trust with him to another level.
In my experience, long distance relationships need the same nurturing as any other relationship. In fact, long distance relationships have the ability to highlight sooner if there is long term compatibility. . Distance tends to showcase the communication and connection necessary for the long haul.
My name is Jennifer Anderson and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate and a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate with the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples who are looking to build strong and secure relationships, who are ready to take accountability for their own actions, and who are willing to make changes and increase vulnerability to grow closer and enhance the connection in their relationship. I help couples and individuals in the League City, Kemah, and Houston, Texas areas, and residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. I’d love to help!
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