Overcoming Infidelity: How Marriage Counseling Can Support Healing and Recovery

 

When your relationship goes through the trauma of infidelity, people often feel embarrassed and reluctant to reach out for professional support.  Couples may feel hesitant to engage in couples therapy when the unfaithful partner feels ashamed or the hurt partner wants to end the relationship immediately.  I urge you to reach out for support from an infidelity specialist before you make any big decisions about the future of the relationship. 

Selfishly, I want you both to walk away with clarity on what direction you need to take.  When we make decisions during times of immense suffering, we create the potential of changing our life based on impulses and not honoring your underlying desires and needs.  Helping my clients make decisions using their prefrontal cortex (higher level decision making) vs. their limbic system (what the hell is going on and irrational place), is my goal.  

Look, sometimes the best decision is to walk away.  Sometimes people choose to stay together. Sometimes couples need time to decide if the relationship is worth repairing. Whichever path you decide on, I want to make sure you do it without regret. Making decisions that cause anguish or make you question yourself will only extend your heartache.  The following are some of the best reasons to find a specialized therapist in infidelity to get your relationship to a place of healing.  

Plan for Recovery

It can feel like complete chaos immediately after the discovery of an affair. The way you see your partner has changed, your whole world has changed. Everything you thought you knew about your relationship is now called into question. Your mind is trying to find a new reality based on this information.  A therapist can help you navigate the immediate needs of the hurt partner that start the process of healing.  

Therapy also helps the unfaithful partner recognize self-destructive patterns surrounding the affair, and likely the relationship as a whole.  It’s a big red flag with me when the unfaithful partner immediately engages in defensiveness in the early stages of this process.  Is it a deal breaker? No.  But it definitely highlights potential entitlements that have led to judgment impairments.  

How Could this Happen?

It’s extremely difficult to comprehend how someone who you never thought would cheat could engage in the behavior.  Trust is broken and it feels a hell of a lot better to express anger and disgust rather than be vulnerable and explore the pain.  However, a specialized therapist knows that possible underlying conditions have contributed to this breach of your promises to one another, and isn’t afraid to get to the root of how this happened.   

Often there are childhood wounds that have never been brought to light, or other traumas that need to be explored.  There could be insecurities or patterns of self sabotage at play. Another lens that your therapist will assess for is untreated psychiatric disorders, addictions, and serious medications that have led to an altered state of decision making.  

Accountability, Accountability, Accountability!!

I often feel more like an accountability coach than a therapist.  Yes, I’m doing all the therapist interventions, but I also call bullshit when I need to.  When I process how our plan of being transparent is going, I point out when the unfaithful is sheepishly saying “pretty good”.  I need to see passion in the plan that we formulate to build back trust and install accountability.

Accountability is one of the greatest benefits of going to couples therapy; the therapist will not let destructive behaviors occur without bringing attention to them. Couples who try to heal on their own often don’t communicate or share the unhelpful behaviors they engage in. Where will this get you? Nowhere. So don’t hesitate to seek help because you deserve to heal.


My name is Jennifer Anderson and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate and a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate with the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples who are looking to build strong and secure relationships, who are ready to take accountability for their own actions, and who are willing to make changes and increase vulnerability to grow closer and enhance the connection in their relationship. I help couples and individuals in the League City, Kemah, and Houston, Texas areas, and residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. I’d love to help!

Begin Affair Recovery in League City, TX

If you and your partner have experienced infidelity in your relationship, it's important to seek the help of one of our skilled therapists to begin the journey of affair recovery. Don't wait any longer to take action - begin the process of healing and rebuilding trust in your relationship with the Center for Couples Counseling, by following these three simple steps:

  1. Contact us to start affair recovery

  2. Meet with one of our skilled affair recovery therapists

  3. Begin to heal your relationship and build trust with your partner in a healthy way!

Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling

At the Center for Couples Counseling, we understand you or your relationship may be facing different challenges. To help you work on yourself and your relationship, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety, and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!