When to Seek Marriage Counseling: Signs that Your Relationship Needs Professional Help
As marriage therapists, we receive calls weekly with a sense of urgency to get in for an appointment. Often, these calls are initiated by one partner saying they are ready for a divorce. The surprised partner calls frantically, desiring an immediate session to save their marriage.
The problem is, the partner seeking the divorce has often been very vocal about wanting to get into therapy and needing a change in the relationship. This partner has been grieving the relationship slowly and with a load of resentments based on their partners lack of priority to the dissolving relationship.
Is there still hope if both partners commit to the process? Sure. Does the path look a little more strenuous? Yep! My push to you is this. Pay attention to what is going on in your marriage, and don’t continue to avoid or sweep things under the rug. There are clear and noticeable signs that it’s a good time to engage in couples therapy and seek professional help. Open your eyes, because you don’t want to miss them.
Intimacy Who?
When you start to notice that physical and/or emotional intimacy is struggling, it’s a big indicator that connection is slipping through the cracks. I have noticed that some clients get embarrassed to talk about physical and sexual intimacy because it can feel uncomfortable discussing this need. More often than not, this circles back to someone not feeling connected or prioritized by their partner in emotional ways. They want to be more intimate, but can’t do so without feeling valued and respected first.
Resentments
“I didn’t want to say anything because I wanted to keep the peace.” My next response… “How’s that working out for ya?” When we fail to bring up issues we are seeing in our relationship, it only builds resentments and increases the intensity of how we talk to one another.
It’s often not what our need is that causes conflict. Generally, it’s the delivery that gets us in trouble. A trained therapist can help you navigate these issues and leave you feeling more capable of handling conflict in the future.
No Resolution to Conflict
John Gottman has stated that, there are perpetual problems and solvable problems. Not every conflict is going to have a clear solution. However, most conflicts are capable of finding solutions that honor both partners. When we just drop a topic that is difficult, it never really goes away. It sits there and starts to build steam until it bursts.
Couples therapy can help each partner feel heard and valued when navigating a solution. My favorite part is when I see a partner start to empathize with the other partner because they haven’t really given them the space to feel heard at home. Without the safety and support of marriage counseling, most people would never get to this level of vulnerability and healing.
All couples go through ups and downs. It’s so important to be proactive in your relationship. Research shows that couples wait an average of 6 years with a therapy worthy problem before they seek help, and by then it’s too late. Dial into your relationship, open up to your partner, have real conversations, and be brutally honest. You intended for till death do us part, so why not put in the work to achieve this goal.
My name is Jennifer Anderson and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate and a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate with the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples who are looking to build strong and secure relationships, who are ready to take accountability for their own actions, and who are willing to make changes and increase vulnerability to grow closer and enhance the connection in their relationship. I help couples and individuals in the League City, Kemah, and Houston, Texas areas, and residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. I’d love to help!
Begin Couples Therapy in League City, TX
We know relationships take a lot of hard work. But your relationship is important and deserves the effort. At Center for Couples Counseling we want to help you and your partner get back on the right track. To get started with in-person or online couples therapy follow these simple steps:
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Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
At the Center for Couples Counseling, we understand you or your relationship may be facing different challenges. To help you work on yourself and your relationship, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety, and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!