Dating Yourself: Why Not?
What are your associations with the word "date"? What's your ideal date? Are you remembering one you've had? Or longing for one you've always wanted?
In this season of love, St. Valentine, hallmark cards, flowers, and candlelit dinners you’ve heard about since Valentine’s Day, it's easy to build a lot of expectations about what dating means and should look like. It’s easy to feel disheartened, annoyed, pressure, lonely…
We watch commercials, romantic comedies, and sitcoms that inundate us with certain ideas about romance. Even though we know some of these grand gestures are fantasies, sometimes parts of us want to believe them.
In recent years, we've learned about love languages. Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Touch, Gifts, & Acts of Service.
How often do we think about sharing those with ourselves?
Whether you are single, casually dating, have a certain someone, or many someones, what is pervasive every month is our relationship with ourselves.
A few months ago I met someone who told me about dating themselves. They take themselves on dates; to restaurants, museums, parks... Not only that, they send themselves affirming messages, saucy pictures, buy themselves flowers... I was truly inspired by the dedication and attention to detail this person gave themselves as they would for someone they were seeing.
When's the last time you reflected on your strengths and expressed gratitude for yourself? Have you ever made a list or given yourself props out loud? It’s not just about affirming yourself but investing in and acknowledging your body, mind, and spirit. We each have the capacity to do that regardless of how many relationships we have. And the more we honor and value ourselves, the more we know what kind of love we want to receive.
Sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. It can be really hard if we’ve never had those kinds of gestures modeled for us, and especially hard when we’ve been in abusive relationships. This is where the support of loved ones or a therapist can provide helpful insights.
While the name on our sign is Center for Couples Counseling, we use systems theories and recognize the value of individualized care. Our counselors work with couples and individuals on a range of topics.
I truly enjoy working with individuals because we get to focus on addressing and healing past and present relationship trauma and/or build communication skills in ways that have a profound impact on how clients show up in relationships outside of sessions. I hope to plant seeds of personal empowerment that grow and spread in people treating themselves and others with more kindness, compassion, and love.
So, in the name of love, I invite and encourage you to try acknowledging yourself by buying or making yourself a card or simply writing a hand-written letter.
I'll give it a try.
Dear Sky,
Thank you for supporting and encouraging me in all of my aspirations. I really enjoy the way you nerd out about Attachment Theory and that you're genuinely curious about people's life experiences. Thank you for building strong, substantive, and nourishing relationships to rely on when I'm struggling. I enjoy how embodied you are. You truly appreciate good food and are fun to dance with! You are amazingly loving, loyal, and creative. You help people genuinely celebrate themselves. You are adaptive and responsive to what people need in the moment and have fun ideas to bring an event together. You are gaining skills in collaboration, organization, and time management. It feels good and safe to be in your presence. I trust you. I celebrate you for that. Thank you for believing in me.
Sincerely,
Sky
Wherever you start, whether it’s taking yourself for a pedicure or to the movies, writing or speaking kindly about yourself, giving yourself a hug or booking a massage, buying yourself an item that brings you joy, or booking a session with me… I hope you find ways to give yourselves loving attention and maybe even take yourself on the best date of your life!