Intentional Dating in the New Year
As we ring in a new year, many people will find themselves looking forward to the possibility of a new romantic relationship. As people reinvent themselves and rejoin the dating scene, it is important to reflect back on the basics of intentional dating. This blog will cover a few areas to keep in mind as you prepare yourself for future relationships and the dating culture.
Sort Through Your Baggage:
Each person has their own “baggage”. Instead of worrying about the presence of baggage, it can be beneficial to sort out and organize our baggage. Before investing time and energy into the dating process, it is important to first focus on yourself. Prior to entering the dating scene, find security within yourself.
This may be catalyzed through a self-help journey or individual counseling. Become aware of who you are and what you need out of a partnership. What does a healthy and secure relationship look like to you? Take time to reflect on past relationships and take note of unhealthy relationship patterns that no longer serve you. During this time, it may be helpful to educate yourself on relationship concepts such as attachment styles, limerence, boundaries, and effective communication.
Establish a New Vision for Relationships:
After sorting through your baggage and reflecting on past experiences, it is time to focus on specific relationship goals. Identify what qualities and values you are looking for in a partner. What is important to you in a relationship?
This is the time to jot down specific to broad traits that you are looking for in a partner. Also, write down red flags, behaviors, and traits that you are not looking for in a potential partner. Envision how a potential partner will fit into your life, what would you want the dating experience to look like? Why are you entering the dating pool? Are you looking for a life partner or something more casual?
This is the time to manifest and envision your ideal relationship. Keep in mind that nobody is perfect! Potential partners will not check all of our “dream trait” boxes, but you should have some self-selected standards for yourself.
Following the First Date, Staying Intentional Through the Dating Process:
So you’ve sorted through all your baggage, envisioned your ideal relationship, and met a potential partner, now what? Throughout the dating stages it is critical that you stay authentic to yourself and your relationship needs. Keep in mind your non-negotiables and your ideal traits in a partner. Stay clear and committed to your envisioned relationship. Communicate your relationship needs and desires upfront.
You have already taken time to reflect and identify your needs, now is not the time to let these details fall through the cracks. In addition, accept when an individual is not capable of meeting your emotional and relational needs. Just because somebody seems like a great person, they may not be a great person for your needs. Know when to walk away, and don’t forfeit your dating drive after a few incompatible dates.
Lastly, when entering a new relationship we may find ourselves obsessing over the potential of a partner. Many people start to fantasize about future dreams and plans while getting carried away in a new partnership. It is important to stay present and focus on the here and now rather than creating narratives about the future. In relation, it is important to not lose ourselves in a new relationship. Balance is key! A new partner should fit into your life, not become your life. While in the early stages of a relationship, it is important to have time apart as well as quality time together.
If you are looking for support to dig deeper into intentional dating, reach out to the Center For Couples Counseling. Our counselors can help you identify relationship patterns that are no longer serving you and assist you in transforming your dating mindset.