Do Couples Therapists Take Sides?
Do Couples Therapists Take Sides?
The short answer depends on where you go. The traditional couples therapist stance is based on staying neutral. Making sure they assure clients that there will not be favoritism to either client. Therapists are trained in graduate school through traditional models of therapy to maintain a neutral stance. To help each partner discern their true thoughts and feelings. The theories are composed of techniques that couples therapists use to bring true clarity and healing to our clients.
The problem with a therapist taking a neutral stance in couples therapy is that the partner that is already in an inferior position feels even less valued or understood. This is also the number one piece of negative feedback we’ve heard from our clients regarding their work with other couples therapists. The therapist never provided direction and spent too much time understanding both partners’ perspectives. While we take time to hear from both partners and dig in deeply, we don’t allow harmful things to keep happening, we address them head-on.
Why Don’t We Stay Neutral During Couples Therapy? in League City, TX?
Neutrality keeps couples stuck. By the therapist not taking sides and spending so much time validating each partner, the couple continues to sit in dysfunction instead of learning and exploring new and healthier ways to relate to each other.
Although it’s not helpful for a therapist to judge or shame either partner, the therapist does need to be honest about the dysfunctional patterns and behaviors so that clients can change them. Remaining neutral will not assist in that process. Therapists at the Center for Couples Counseling have specialized training in Relational Life Therapy, a model of therapy in which therapists take sides.
Are Relationships Ever 50/50?
Think about it-yes, it’s possible that both partners have developed interactions and behaviors that have contributed to the demise of the relationship. But is it ever truly 50/50? As we process situations, relational dynamics, behaviors, resentments, and historical data, it’s clear that there are times when one partner does something that is hurtful to the relationship, and the therapist needs to bring this into awareness and help the couple heal.
Therapists can be balanced in not placing complete blame on one person while holding each person accountable for their choices and behaviors. We don’t care who’s right or who’s wrong; we care about how to help couples engage in the healthiest relationship possible.
Benefits of Taking Sides in Couples Counseling in Texas
1. Tackling Family of Origin Crossover:
The way we were raised often shows up in our current relationships, whether it be from intense trauma or how our family handled stress. If a therapist is presented with a couple that includes one partner that is verbally abusive when they get upset, it’s important for the other partner to receive feedback that encourages them to stand up for themselves.
In a session, I have been known to say, “I’m feeling anxious by how you're talking to your wife.” “I can only imagine how it feels to be in her shoes.” This normally makes the verbally abusive partner take pause. However, we go further. “Where is this verbally abusive behavior coming from, and who talked to you that way?” It’s often a parent that demonstrated this behavior and unfortunately got carried into my client’s way of responding. When both partners are able to witness this follow-through and trauma work, it leads to compassion and healing.
2. Pure Honesty:
There is something truly refreshing about demonstrating compassionate honesty to my clients. This has a way of speeding up the process of becoming more relational with your spouse and highlighting the needs of each partner. If a partner’s self-esteem is so high that they come across as arrogant and all-knowing, it’s important for the therapist to highlight how this is presented to the other partner. From a client’s standpoint, I’m sure it can feel intimidating to know you're going to get honesty at all costs. However, RLT therapy trains therapists to only do this in a loving way and at an appropriate time.
My favorite thing about taking sides at certain times in therapy is how my clients feel fully understood. You would think they would get upset, but most of the time they feel a release in knowing that it doesn’t always have to be this way. They seem to know on some level that this direct approach is something they needed to be called out on. Their relationship is suffering by self-serving communication styles or behaviors, and they start to feel hopeful when someone brings clarity to the damage it’s causing to their partner. Their exhaustion in trying things on their own goes to optimism in understanding that change is possible.
My name is Jennifer Anderson and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate and a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate with the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples who are looking to build strong and secure relationships, who are ready to take accountability for their own actions, and who are willing to make changes and increase vulnerability to grow closer and enhance the connection in their relationship. I help couples and individuals in the League City, Kemah, and Houston, Texas areas, and residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. I’d love to help!
Start Couples Therapy in League City, TX
Are you and your partner struggling with marital issues? Looking to build a strong and secure relationship? At Center For Couples Counseling, you and your partner can learn to reconnect, create a healthy relationship, and gain support from our skilled couples therapists. To get started with couples therapy follow these three simple steps:
Contact us to schedule an appointment
Meet with one of our caring couples therapists
Begin working on your relationship and reconnect with your partner.
Other Services Offered At Center For Couples Counseling
Our team understands your relationship might be facing different challenges. So our Texas practice offers other therapies to help you face these challenges. Other services include individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!