What If I'm Scared to Go to Therapy?
“I didn’t want to come today”. This is a phrase I occasionally hear from clients as they come in and sit down on the couch.
You know what? I get it. The healing process can feel uncomfortable and challenging, so there are going to be days that we feel intimidated or scared about coming into session. It is normal to have difficulty sharing something you’re holding on to, you cringe at the thought of being vulnerable, you’re uncomfortable spending money on your mental wellness, and you’re afraid of being judged.
How human of you! Little and big feelings will come up for our clients and we encourage them to communicate all of it. Your therapist is here to be on your team and we see the most progress when we have open and honest communication in sessions.
As much as you desire to make significant changes in your life, the thought (and often push from your therapist) can feel like too much and become overwhelming pretty quickly. While you recognize that things in your life aren’t working the way you want them to, it’s also easier to keep things the same at status quo than cause a bunch of disruption by making changes. Your behavior, although maladaptive at times, is also serving a function.
Perhaps your drinking is covering up your depression, the flirtatious texts with someone who’s not your partner are masking your loneliness, your anxiety is distracting from the insurmountable feelings of inadequacy. Whatever it is for you, your symptoms have a purpose in your life, and it’s hard to give them up.
But you deserve better than sitting in your trauma and staying in toxic patterns just because it’s comfortable; you deserve to heal. That’s what therapy is for, to help you get past the discomfort and learn to sit with hard things so that you can tackle the real issues and find better ways to deal with your problems. And sometimes, it’s still going to suck talking about things you do or emotions you feel.
My client, the one dreading their session, was worried about being judged about a behavior that they were embarrassed to tell me. I am not here to judge - period. We are a team and I trust that we come to sessions to figure out the best way for you to heal and thrive. We did spend some time figuring out where that embarrassment came from and why they were so concerned with my judgments.
My client made it through an uncomfortable session and got to know themselves better than when they walked in. That is incredible work and tough! However, if your sessions don’t come with immediate feelings of relief - that is okay too. We are all unique so it only makes sense that our healing journeys are unique as well. Healing is not linear; it is a process.
I’m thankful when my clients share the challenges that they experience during the healing journey. I truly appreciate clients trusting our safe space, and me, enough to disclose their discomfort. Some people need time to truly accept that their session is a safe space and to build trust in their therapist and that is okay. I always encourage my clients to communicate their feelings so that we can process what might be going on and discuss what’s next in their journey.
Are you feeling guilty for your real thoughts? Bring it! Your real thoughts are exactly what I am looking for! Carrying your stressors, traumas, frustrations and hard days can become pretty heavy. Sometimes my clients feel overwhelmed in their sessions so I always support them in taking notes before, during, or after the session. Taking notes allows you to experience the session without the stress of forgetting what you wanted to talk about or forgetting what happened in the session.
Notes also provide you with a quick and easy way to take home whatever was particularly important to you from your session like a plan for treatment, some homework or maybe some coping skills to try. I often discuss recovery plans with clients so that just in case we have a particularly challenging session, they already have a healthy plan in place to feel better.
Feeling anxious about finding a therapist that you work well with? Let’s set up a phone consultation! You will be given space to ask any questions you have and voice any concerns you may have about starting therapy.