Therapy Basics: 7 Things to Consider Before Going to Therapy
You’ve been thinking about going to therapy for a while, but there’s a reason you haven’t reached out to schedule an appointment. The process of deciding to go to therapy, finding the right therapist, and getting something scheduled can be overwhelming. There are a lot of moving parts that go into making this decision, but I’m here to make it easier. Let’s break it down into smaller pieces, to help you get from “I need to go to therapy” to your first wonderful therapy breakthrough.
Our new blog series “Therapy Basics'' will tackle all the topics you need to know about starting therapy. Therapy is one of the best gifts you can give yourself, but it can be complicated and discouraging to pour through numerous websites or call multiple locations to figure this whole thing out. This week I’ll dive into general considerations for your decision making, and in the next several weeks the blog series will cover how to find a therapist, what to expect from therapy, how the cost factors into choosing a therapist, weighing the pros and cons of both insurance and private pay, and finally our thoughts on what makes good therapy. Not all therapy is created equal! If you’d like to stay current on these topics and get the information as it’s released, sign up for our newsletter here.
So, what do you need to consider before starting therapy?
1. You don’t have to be fully “ready” to start looking for a therapist and researching your options.
You’ve probably heard that therapy only works if you’re ready to change, or in the case of couples therapy, that both partners are ready. This might be a controversial stance, but I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Especially if that leads you to wait too long and then try to move through the process too quickly.
Motivation to feel better is important, but feeling so anxious for relief can lead to bad decisions or booking with the first person who answers the phone. Therapy can be a place to deal with a crisis, implement boundaries, and learn quick tools to de-escalate situations, but that’s really just the beginning. Therapy is also essential for long term changes you want to make in your life and relationships. Take the time to think through who is the right fit and what is the right type of therapy structure for you. You don’t have to be fully ready to change or willing to book an appointment to do your research and begin to understand how therapy can help, decide what you’re really looking for, and take a long deep breath.
2. Think about your personal concerns and fears about therapy.
The first thing I tell people when they are seeking therapy is to take a few minutes and write down their concerns and fears about therapy. There are a number of things that come up for people as they are thinking about starting this process, and writing them down is the key to asking the right questions when you start your search for a therapist. Most therapists are happy to answer any questions you have and address your fears/concerns on a phone consultation. Great therapists will let you know if a concern you have would interfere with working with them, and will do their best to provide you with a good referral. Being open and prepared from the start will help you find the best person to help you.
I had a couple once that felt strongly about having a therapist who had been married for a long time. During a phone consultation, we were able to define what it means to be married “for a long time”, determine why that was important for them, and ask what it would mean for their treatment. After having an open and honest conversation, they were able to let that concern go and fully commit to therapy.
Understanding your own biases can also make a huge difference. If you believe that therapy is only for “crazy people”, people whose marriages are completely falling apart, rich people, or it’s all a bunch of crap, that’s going to show up in your phone consultations and therapy sessions. None of those things are bad to think, but it can be helpful to process and work through them as you’re doing your research and are definitely questions to bring up with any therapist you are considering working with. If you are not quite ready to discuss your concerns with potential therapists, you can also do some reading about therapy and how it works before calling. You don’t have to change your thought process about any of those things, it’s just helpful to be aware of what your biases are.
3. Make a list of your needs and goals for therapy.
After exploring your concerns, fears, and biases about therapy, it’s time to move into understanding your needs and goals. Imagine how your life would be different if you were able to make the changes you want to make. What would be happening in this miracle scenario? You’ll want to have a grasp of what your life could be like, and work backwards to start developing your goals for therapy. Goals are ever changing and evolving, so nothing is set in stone. This is really just to get you thinking and dreaming about a better, more fulfilling life and marriage, and about how therapy can help you get there.
As a client, you’ll probably have a lot of needs from your therapist. You may need someone with evening appointments, or someone who is from a similar background as you. You might want someone to have specific training, work with a particular population, or have a certain style of working. Some clients like homework, some want something experiential. Some people like to process, others want to build skills. These are things you’ll want to consider as you begin your search, knowing that they can change along the way as you learn more about yourself or your partner. I encourage people to avoid making assumptions about whether therapy can meet their needs purely based on a therapist’s website. Therapists are usually highly adaptable and willing to use a variety of approaches or techniques based on client needs. Good therapists will ask what you are looking for and be honest if that’s something they can do. Our therapists explore what you want, and let you know how achievable that is.
4. Therapy requires a commitment to weekly appointments - start thinking about a time that will work in your schedule.
Therapy works best with an ongoing commitment and a frequency of once a week, especially as you’re getting started. Some types of therapy or structures may look different, such as psychoanalysis which can require multiple sessions a week, or a therapy intensive which can be two long days with no ongoing work, but the majority of traditional therapy is set up for the therapist and client to meet one day a week for 50-minutes.
As you are preparing to start therapy, I encourage you to intentionally sit down, review your schedule, and choose a few options that will allow you to be present for that hour a week. Be sure to include driving time for in-person therapy (online therapy can offer some flexibility here). Many therapists offices will require you to commit to your weekly time slot every week in order to schedule, which is actually great for you! Now you know exactly what to plan for, the same as you would your favorite gym class or other activity. This also helps you make therapy a priority by blocking off time each week for just you and your therapist.
I also suggest making time either before or after (or both!) your appointment to process your session. Therapy can bring up a lot of emotions, but also leave you making some pretty important connections and your brain needs time to integrate the information. I intentionally chose a therapist who worked in a different part of town, which was a 45 minute drive. It gave me time to think about my goals for the session on the way there and space to process the session (and cry, or scream, or breathe deeply) on the way back. Creating space for outside-of-therapy-but-still-therapy is imperative.
5. Take a good look at your budget.
Therapy costs money, whether you’re paying out of pocket or using your insurance (we’ll explore this in detail later in the series). You need to take a serious look at your financial situation and weigh how therapy can help you. I encourage people to consider the other aspects of their life that therapy may impact and how the cost could save you money in the long term (missing work, cost of medications, drugs and alcohol as coping skills, paying bills late, divorce lawyer proceedings, health problems, etc.). Can you afford not to go to therapy?
Therapy is an investment in you, your present, and your future. When looking at the cost, consider not only the improvements you’ll see in your current situation, but the long term effects of a new, healthier life. In my opinion, good therapy is priceless. It is worth the investment, and finding a good fit is worth redoing your budget for.
6. Know that you can change therapists at any time, it isn’t a lifelong commitment.
Research shows that 60% of therapeutic outcomes (the results you get from therapy) are a result of the relationship between the client and therapist. So what does that mean? Finding a therapist you connect with is the most important part of therapy. Don't get me wrong, you may get upset with your therapist at times, find something they do annoying, or not always like what they have to say, but overall it’s important that you have a good relationship with them. You need to trust that they will listen and understand your needs, be able to make adjustments when you ask, and be willing to admit when they are wrong and make an attempt to repair with you.
These are all components that reflect real relationships out in the world, which is why this is 100% essential to success in therapy. What happens in therapy mimics what happens in your life, and you need to find someone you feel comfortable enough with to test the waters, reflect and share with, and who will challenge you in the best ways possible. Even though it may be hard and inconvenient, if the fit is not right you need to find a new therapist. While the conversation may be uncomfortable, a good therapist will invite this conversation in, help you identify what worked and didn’t work, and do their best to find you someone who will be a better fit for you. There are no hard feelings in this process for the therapist; we want you to succeed, so don’t be afraid to be honest, give feedback, and ask for what you need.
7. Therapy is helpful for everyone, you don’t have to be in a crisis to start therapy. In fact, you’ll get more out of it outside of a crisis.
I feel like that’s all that needs to be said on this point…mic drop.