Moving Forward Together – Strengthening Your Relationship Amid Infertility
While you’re in the midst of figuring out your infertility and how you will move forward, it’s easy to get stuck in medical decisions, going through the motions of life, and just trying to survive and deal with stress the best you can. I encourage those things as the basics that need to be done for maintenance of health, AND acknowledge that this struggle is one of the best opportunities you have to strengthen your relationship. It’s actually during times of challenge or transition that relationship satisfaction and connection are in a vulnerable state and often tested. Messy situations and unexpected challenges are the impetus for growth.
“Cool, but how do we do that?”
A couples therapist who specializes in infertility counseling is the best way to learn how to operate as a team and express vulnerability to your partner in a way that brings you closer together. There are also things you can do today to begin strengthening your relationship and feel confident moving forward as a couple, no matter the outcome of your infertility journey.
Reframing the Experience
Life tends to throw challenges at us that we weren’t expecting. People often have dreams of when and how they will have children, with detailed pictures of how a pregnancy will be announced or what the theme of the nursery will be. When you learn your timeline and path won’t look the way you thought it would, it’s devastating.
Reframing the experience as an opportunity to get stronger in your relationship and learn to deal with one of the toughest challenges together can lead to a long-lasting, highly satisfying relationship. Couples researchers John and Julie Gottman have found that navigating through conflict and/or challenges in a healthy way in which you feel closer to your partner afterwards is one of the most important predictors of successful relationships.
Yes, the infertility journey is a hardship, no doubt about it. AND, it will bring you closer if handled well and treated as a shared experience.
Seeking Support
A big mistake I made when first going through infertility was not seeking support. My husband and I chose to keep everything a secret, and therefore every time a question was asked it brought about agitation, anger, and shame responses. No one knew that with each passing day and questions/criticisms that we didn’t have children yet cut deeply. If I could get a redo, I would have found ways to get support.
No couple or person should have to go through infertility alone. It’s too hard, confusing, and isolating already. You can get support and coping skills from a professional therapist, support group, or infertility associations such as RESOLVE and ASRM. There are numerous resources available on these sites, and often online support groups or opportunities to get connected with people who are going through similar situations as you are and can understand on a deeper level.
Couples need to decide together what kind of information they will share with their family and friends, and I encourage my clients not to discount this important source of support. Shame, embarrassment, and not knowing how to talk about infertility often keep people from sharing their journey with others, which inadvertently increases the feelings of shame, embarrassment, and isolation. Your people can provide new perspectives, offer practical advice, and make you feel seen and heard.
Looking to the Future
Couples can often become despondent and depressed as infertility journeys drag on for a long time, which can result in feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. I encourage couples to maintain hope and focus on the relationship from the beginning. You can get creative by making a vision board together, sharing your dreams and goals as a couple both related and unrelated to parenthood.
You can also implement a gratitude practice as a couple, noticing and sharing things you are grateful for now and in the future. Changing visions and adapting to circumstances that are out of your control is an important life and relationship skill. The ways you are coping now will be assets to you and your relationship when challenges arise in the future.
Infertility is a challenging experience that can put a strain on any relationship. However, by understanding the emotional toll, recognizing changes in dynamics, managing stress, and actively working to strengthen your bond, you can navigate this journey together. Remember, you are not alone, and with the right support, you can find ways to maintain and even deepen your connection during this difficult time.
My name is Erika Labuzan-Lopez, LMFT-S, LPC-S and I’m the owner of the Center for Couples Counseling. I love using a variety of techniques to help couples learn why they move into childish spaces during the conflict, how to put down those defenses for good, and what to do when you can’t access the tools you know will work to get out of conflict. I love working with couples and individuals to learn how to live in the world more relationally and engage in meaningful relationships. With over a decade of couples therapy experience, I am passionate about training and supervising therapists to become specialized in highly effective couples therapy. We see couples, individuals, and all residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule your FREE phone consultation.
Interested in Meeting a Couples Therapist in League City, TX?
If you want to improve your relationship and reconnect with your partner, take action now and start being more curious about your relationship. At Center For Couples Counseling, one of our skilled couples therapists can help you and your partner navigate your challenges and rediscover the curiosity and passion that brought you together in the first place. Don't wait any longer to invest in the health and happiness of your relationship. To meet with a couples therapist follow these three simple steps:
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Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
At Center For Couples Counseling, our team of skilled therapists understands that your relationship may be facing different challenges. In addition to couples therapy, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!