Intimacy and Connection: Keeping the Spark Alive While Parenting
Nothing quite kills the romance like you and your partner both feeling beyond worn out, whether it be from working, parenting, the relationship or all of the above… utter exhaustion is not sexy. How are you supposed to keep intimacy and connection going in your relationship when you barely have the energy and time to care for yourself?! Keeping the spark alive while parenting is something that is invaluable. Did you know that 61% of divorces from first marriages happen when children are under 18 years of age? Sounds like parenting is stressful to me!
The reality of true connection between parents focuses around a variety of key areas like quality time together, open communication and shared responsibilities. Being intentional in these areas and the others we will cover will make all the difference in your relationship while parenting. Let’s get going!
Igniting the Spark
1. Quality Time Together:
Spending quality time together as a family and privately with your partner and your children individually are all hugely important to maintaining connection while parenting. The intentionality that comes with this practice keeps you present! (Hint* This is also on the list).
2. Open Communication
Creating a safe environment for you and your family to express feelings and learning how to actively listen are both key in maintaining open and honest communication within your family unit and your relationship with your partner. If this is something you struggles with, we can help! Daily check-ins with your partner ensures that you are aware of what is happening in each other's lives and gives you space to offer support and validation where needed.
3. Consistency and Routine
You know what feels good? Stability. Daily routines like meal time and bedtime are a great way to create a sense of security and belonging within the family unit. Providing consistency and routine gives you and your partner a chance to work as a team and support each other while parenting with a mutual goal. This kind of routine also allows you to have intentional time alone with your partner… we love alone time with our partners!
4. Express Appreciation
It is incredibly important to regularly express appreciation for your partner through verbal affirmations as well as small gestures of appreciation. This looks different within every relationship and a conversation with your partner will let you know what this will look like within your own relationship.
5. Shared Goals, Values and Responsibilities
Being on the same page with your partner when it comes to goals, values and responsibilities within your relationship and with parenting provides further stability for the family unit and your relationship and allows you to align in regards to parenting styles, traditions and the rituals your family unit participates in.
6. Humor and Fun
Including fun and laughter into your relationship and family unit keeps the mood lighthearted and the connections strong. We love finding humor in everyday situations and creating an environment that promotes safety and joy. When we keep things light, it is much easier to assume the best of our partner versus taking a hard moment as an attack and leaning into an escalation. It’s fun to have fun!
7. Shared interests/hobbies/learning together
Finding common interests and activities to do together with your partner is a beautiful way to bond and grow closer. This also gives you space to explore new things together!
8. Self-care and personal growth
Time together is really important but so is spending time on your own; prioritizing your self-care and personal growth. Bettering yourself within your individual journey allows you to be more effective in your family unit and relationship.
9. Physical Affection
This is typically a particularly challenging one for those who are already feeling disconnected from their partner. The value of physical affection provides connection on a variety of levels including a chemical one! Normalizing healthy affection is also important in teaching your children what healthy relationships between people who love each other can look like.
10. Being Present
It is far too easy to stay buried in your phone, doom scrolling or “finishing up one more thing” before being done for the day. Being mindful of the time you are spending with your partner and children allows you to keep your bond and connection strong and keeps the “team” feeling front and center. Being present is a huge part of your connection with your partner, especially if your time together is already limited!
Navigating the journey of parenting while keeping the spark alive in your relationship can feel like a daunting task, but it’s absolutely achievable with intentionality and effort. The key lies in nurturing your connection through these areas we discussed today like showing appreciation, openly communicating and normalizing trust and understanding with your partner.
Remember, the investment you make in your relationship not only benefits you and your partner but also creates a stable and loving environment for your children. By modeling a healthy and connected partnership, you set the foundation for your children to understand and appreciate the importance of strong, supportive relationships. So, take a deep breath, make time for each other, and enjoy the journey of growing together as partners and parents. Keeping the spark alive is not just about maintaining romance; it’s about building a resilient, joyful, and loving family life. Call us today!
My name is Jaimi Douthit and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples and individuals who are ready and motivated to make changes in their lives and relationships, who can handle feedback and encouragement, and engage in using the tools I teach in therapy outside of the therapy room. At the Center for Couples Counseling, we specialize in couples therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, self-care and burnout, and perfectionism. We help couples and individuals in the League City and Houston areas in person, and all residents of the State of Texas online. Call us at (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free phone consultation.
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At the Center for Couples Counseling, we understand you or your relationship may be facing different challenges. To help you work on yourself and your relationship, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety, and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!