Parenting as a Team: How to Co-Parent in an Effective and Healthy Way
Parenting is one of those things that is messy, challenging and full of an absurd amount of decisions while somehow also filling you with joy and the deepest feelings of love possible. When two parents come together to raise their children, the complex dynamics can cause incredible stress. Whether you are co-parenting within one home or managing shared custody, being able to prioritize parenting as a team is a necessity. A healthy co-parenting relationship allows your child or children to experience a loving and stable environment which is invaluable when we are prioritizing a healthy kid. Let’s explore some tools to utilize in the co-parenting journey!
What is co-parenting? Great question! Co-parenting is when there are shared responsibilities of raising a child between two parents who are no longer romantically involved. The primary goal of effectively co-parenting is providing the child or children involved with the love and support they need to maintain healthy development. We always prioritize the well-being of the child. The key to effective and healthy co-parenting is strong mutual respect, thorough and open communication and the ability to put the child’s needs first.
Communication is Key: Maintaining a strong mutual respect allows for the co-parenting relationship to function, allowing clear and respectful communication. There should be a co-parenting plan established that provides regular opportunities to discuss the child’s needs and progress, upcoming events or responsibilities, reasons to celebrate, and any potential concerns. It is ideal to have a shared calendar or app that allows for easy and effective communication regarding the children and their schedules. We always want everyone to be on the same page and provide every opportunity for each parent to support the needs of the child or children involved.
Prioritizing your Child’s Needs: Ensuring that the child or children’s needs are known, understood and met should always be at the forefront of any co-parenting efforts. This means that co-parenting means making joint decisions about education, healthcare and extracurricular activities. It is also incredibly important to listen to your child’s feelings and needs in order to provide the most stability during transitional periods or experiences.
Setting Clear Boundaries and Expectations: Ideally, we work to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts but even with being intentional, this isn’t always possible every single time. It is invaluable to discuss and agree on routines, rules and disciplinary measures to ensure true consistency within the relationship with each parent or household. It is important to avoid making any unilateral decisions that could affect your co-parenting dynamic.
4. Effective Plan for Conflict Resolution: It is hard to believe anyone in a co-parenting relationship who claims to have zero conflict or disagreements between them and their co-parenting partner. It is super normal to run into disagreements when co-parenting, the most important thing to remember is that we are focusing on problem-solving versus being combative or right. It is never about winning an argument but finding ideas and solutions to benefit the child or children involved. It can also be incredibly helpful to have a therapist to turn to when needing help navigating a situation.
5. Fostering a Positive Relationship: It is important that the child or children involved aren’t included in moments of venting or frustration, there should never be negative things said about your co-parenting partner. Your relationship with your co-parenting partner significantly impacts your child’s development so always model respectful behavior and communication. Include your co-parenting partner in celebrating the child or children and create a unified front. Being flexible is a great way to show that you are both working together as a team!
6. Building Your Community: Parenting is hard! Co-parenting is no different so it is a great idea to include supportive friends and family that you can turn to as needed. Talking to a professional, taking parenting classes or utilizing support groups are great ways to build your community.
Co-parenting can feel like a long and difficult journey full of learning and growth. Utilizing these skills; communication, prioritizing your child’s needs, planning effective and healthy conflict resolution, fostering a positive relationship and building your co-parenting community will allow for a far more manageable experience and stop generational trauma. We aren’t aiming to just co-exist successfully but to thrive in this challenge. When you prioritize your child’s development and feelings of stability, you automatically create a more nurturing environment where a child can exist safely in their big feelings and moments of doubt. It’s definitely worth it!
My name is Jaimi Douthit and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples and individuals who are ready and motivated to make changes in their lives and relationships, who can handle feedback and encouragement, and engage in using the tools I teach in therapy outside of the therapy room. At the Center for Couples Counseling, we specialize in couples therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, self-care and burnout, and perfectionism. We help couples and individuals in the League City and Houston areas in person, and all residents of the State of Texas online. Call us at (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free phone consultation.
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