The Impact of Stress: Managing Outside Pressures for Better Intimacy
Intimacy is vital in any relationship. It creates space to reconnect with your partner and keeps your relationship grounded. Unfortunately, our careers, family obligations, and personal responsibilities can affect how we engage with each other. Your partner walks in from having a stressful day at work and doesn’t do their normal kiss hello. It is not their intent to make you suffer the consequences of them having a bad day, but it happens. If you really think about it, it’s unfortunate that the person who loves you the most and has the potential to help you navigate these difficult times, receives the brunt of it. Let me shed some light on behaviors that can limit the stress that’s affecting your intimacy with your partner.
Honesty About Your Mental State
When you’ve been together for many years, you can read your partner’s body language and understand their state of mind quickly, from the moment they walk in the door. Yes, there are clear signs by facial expressions, tone, and perceived tension, but if your partner shares their struggles and stresses, it helps you know how to support them. Without clarity, there’s too much room for misinterpretation and our brains to make up all kinds of stories.
When words are limited, it’s easy to make assumptions about the cause of our partner’s stress. Is it me, the dog, the kids? This leads to frustrations and a lack of empathy for whoever is left in the dark. Instead, even when it is challenging, let your partner know the highlights of your struggles. The beauty in this is the person who knows you the most will start to give you the attention that supports your emotional needs. Whether it be a hug, starting you a bubble bath, or just letting you vent. When I have couples that struggle with this, it is helpful to put a percentage of where they are when they walk in the door, if they don’t have the words yet. For example, “Babe, I’m at a 30% today”.
Intentional About Self-Care During Times of Stress
I have personally noticed that prioritizing my self-care is critical during times of stress. My go-to is exercise. It’s no secret that stress is felt at a physical level. One way of letting go of the physiological effects of stress is engaging in movement activities. Research shows that dopamine levels are increased in the brain during exercise, which lowers stress and even depression.
If you and your partner choose sex as an outlet, well I say, “enjoy”. Sex relieves stress by releasing oxytocin. If physical intimacy is limited for some reason, going for a walk or a jog together is a great option! Oxytocin has the ability to create feelings of relaxation and decrease feelings of anxiety.
I just want you to differentiate between what are unhelpful, possibly relationship dampening coping mechanisms and what are healthy releases and include your partner in supporting you. Ultimately, for the sake of your relationships, how you choose to relieve stress can be a catalyst to engaging in more productive communication that helps you decompress and connect more deeply in and out of the bedroom.
My name is Jennifer Anderson and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate and a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate with the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples who are looking to build strong and secure relationships, who are ready to take accountability for their own actions, and who are willing to make changes and increase vulnerability to grow closer and enhance the connection in their relationship. I help couples and individuals in the League City, Kemah, and Houston, Texas areas, and residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. I’d love to help!
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