Since we’ve been exploring different ways to express love over the past month, I couldn’t wait to write about one of my favorite loves in life - travel. I especially enjoy traveling together with my partner, and we highly prioritize getting away together as a couple, as a family, and even individually. Research shows that most people pair with partners who have an equal desire to travel and explore as they do. I find that fascinating, and I can think of many reasons why going on adventures with your partner strengthens your bond and serves as a unique expression of love.

Working Together As a Team

Let me paint the picture. My husband and I were on the long trek to get to Rome, which involved flying from Houston, Texas to Paris, France, and catching a connecting flight to Rome, Italy. The 10+ hour plane ride to Paris landed with about 40 minutes until the connecting flight to Rome was taking off. If you haven’t been to Charles de Galle airport, let me tell you - literally impossible feat. So we were hauling ass through the airport, running with luggage like crazy people, only to stand in line for well over an hour at the International gate to get to the flights that stay within the European Union.

Getting organized for a picture definitely takes team work.

If there’s any time to test multiple aspects of your relationship and especially the ability to work together as a team, it’s when you hit a snag in your travel plans. After working with couples for a decade, I’m assuming most couples operate the way my husband and I do in that different things make us anxious or overwhelmed. That’s when we have to go into problem solving AND grounding ourselves and each other.

All travel will come with snafus, and how you handle it is paramount. Successful couples are able to compromise and find solutions together as things arise, and don’t take it out on their partner or take their partner’s frustrations personally. They attack the problem as something outside of their relationship. A late train, missed flight, or the restaurant you’ve dreamed about going to after watching 20 YouTube reviews is closed that day (I speak from experience), you’ll be grateful for your ability to work together as a team to adapt in the moment. It’s what makes your travel stories all the better, and you’ll love your partner more deeply once the problem is solved.

Get a Break From Daily Stressors and Routine Evenings to Create Intentional Time Together

Sure, these days most of us still have our phones with us on vacation; how else would we take pictures? But for the most part, especially with intentional boundaries about email, texting, and phone calls, you can leave behind all the stresses of your normal life and focus on spending uninterrupted time with each other.

Hiking and hot air balloons are certainly not part of our everyday routine.

There’s no chauffeuring kids around, worrying about that project at work, or washing dishes and doing laundry to pull your energy and focus. The things you will need to worry about, like finding your way around a new city or checking in to your show on time, are far less mundane but also putting energy into doing something fun together. You’re intentionally putting your marriage as a top priority and that becomes evident by your mind and body.

Your body physically releases tension from daily stressors while simultaneously releasing endorphins and dopamine when you experience something fun and new. It also keeps you on your toes by breaking up the normal routine of dinner, bath, cleaning, and watching TV (or whatever variation you practice in your house). Routines are helpful to maintain the cadence of our lives, but a little spontaneity is necessary in relationships. You can also use the data of how changing things up makes you feel or impacts the relationship and decide how you want to make adjustments to your regular life when you get back home.

You See Each Other at Your Worst

Hangry, stressed, lost, or in my case, sick and throwing up in the middle of the night. Yes, on the same trip to Italy I got sick one night close to the end of our trip. It can be extremely vulnerable to be sick or feel down so far away from home and away from the normal comforts of your regular life. There can also be a mix of emotions as you try to care for yourself, not be too overbearing, while also asking for help and allowing your partner to support and care for you.

I shared at the time how traveling and going on amazing adventures is so fun and of great value in my marriage, but it doesn’t compare to the closeness and connection I felt for my partner for staying up all night with me, holding me close to him, and allowing me to rest while he cleaned up. Whatever obstacles you face on your travel journey, it’s important to remember to lean into the vulnerability, discomfort, or pain that your partner experiences because at any moment it could be you. AND it will pay off relationship wise when you express love by showing up, not judging, and taking care of your partner.

You also get to see a different side of a person when you travel with them, which can illuminate quirks you don’t normally see and don’t pop up in regular life. These quirks can play well off each other, but you may clash with a tendency you’ve never come across before. Seeing new aspects of your partner helps you understand them better, can allow partners to fully see each other, and can be practice for how to work through challenges together so that when something bigger and scarier happens down the road, you’ll feel confident you can get through it together, quirks and all.

Explore New Things and See Each Other Enjoying Life

I like to think about the love of a marriage unfolding over time as a couple writing a story together. Having shared experiences is essential in adding meaning to your story. Traveling allows couples to navigate new terrain, get exposure to different cultures and foods, and engage in doozies of situations when trying to figure out where to go and what to do. You get to be a little uncomfortable with each other when trying new things, and that’s a good thing!

For most people, vacations involve doing things outside of your normal daily routine. This allows you to see your partner engaging in situations in a novel way, and enjoying a different side of life. There’s also moments of pure joy on every trip, at least for me. On our latest adventure to Disney World, a cast member pulled me aside and taught me how to draw characters on the ground with a wet broom. This is one of my favorite things to watch when I go, and my husband said my face lit up like a Christmas tree when I got to do it myself. He had fun watching me enter into enjoying something fully and openly, which is rare in the schedules and responsibilities of our lives.

Not only does traveling help people enjoy special experiences in new settings, I believe it also enhances the small moments of our regular lives. You can use the excitement of an upcoming trip to engage in interesting conversations while doing your normal activities. But for me, there’s also an increased awareness that adventure happens in the small moments; the journey of life is a series of meaningful moments of connection. Traveling together emphasizes the importance of expressing gratitude and love to your partner as you move through this life together, creating the story in whatever way you want.

Whether you choose to express love to your partner in the creative ways we’ve explored, or you have your own special rituals, don’t forget to do it. Share your love everyday in big and small ways, and watch as your story unfolds.

My name is Erika Labuzan-Lopez, LMFT-S, LPC-S and I’m the owner at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love using a variety of techniques to help couples learn why they move into childish spaces during conflict, how to put down those defenses for good, and what to do when you can’t access the tools you know will work to get out of conflict. I love working with couples and individuals to learn how to live in the world more relationally and engage in meaningful relationships. With over a decade of couples therapy experience, I am passionate about training and supervising therapists to become specialized in highly effective couples therapy. We see couples, individuals, and all residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule your FREE phone consultation.

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Are you and your partner struggling with marital issues? Looking to build a strong and secure relationship? At Center For Couples Counseling, you and your partner can learn to reconnect, create a healthy relationship, and gain support from our skilled couples therapists. To get started with couples therapy follow these three simple steps:

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Traveling Together: Exploring the World and Each Other