Marriage During Covid-19: Here's Why You're Snapping at Your Partner
I’m proud to report I’ve only snapped at my partner once...in the last hour...or maybe the last 15 minutes.
Let’s be real, fear and anxiety is high across the board, and couples are fighting and picking at each other. Parents are getting impatient with the kids. Families are doing all they can to make it through the meltdowns, and the sadness, and the grief. You may also be reaching for extra chocolate, wine, or binging Netflix; no judgement here. Everyone is struggling with getting through this pandemic, one way or another.
Partners often have different coping styles, that’s why they work well together in most circumstances. But uncertainty brings up stuff for people, and when we’re heightened, we fight. Our brains are hardwired for survival, and right now it feels like the bear is coming directly at us, and our bodies are prepared to fight.
Right now our brains are processing a lot of information, and all our resources and coping skills are going towards filtering out what’s truly harmful to us, what we can control and not control, and how we will manage taking the next step in getting through the day. We do not have the capacity to slow down, be aware of underlying fears and past family history that are getting triggered, and share our feelings in a vulnerable or soft way. We are reactionary, and that’s exactly where we should be.
We also have a sense of security in our relationships, so it feels ok if we snap, if we’re a little harsh, if our coping skills in managing conflict aren’t up to par. We believe that our partner will still be there at the end of this, and most likely they will. Crises don’t create our relationship problems, they bring them to the surface. Use this opportunity as new normalcy is created to take a hard, honest look at your relationship. What came up for you, and how will you use it to make your marriage stronger?
Check out my latest video for a more in depth look into why conflict increases during times of conflict, and some easy to implement tips for getting through this time together.