Get Over Your Pride: The Key to Successful Couples Therapy
There’s no better place to hash out your differences and explore vulnerability with your partner than in couples therapy. I truly believe every couple should take this transformative journey to create the absolute best relationship possible. Therapy provides a safe space for couples to address their issues, improve communication, and work towards a healthy-and often the first ever healthy-relationship. However, there’s often one major obstacle that can hinder progress - PRIDE.
I’ve worked with so many couples over the years in marriage counseling who I believe deeply love each other, AND unfortunately one person’s pride didn’t allow them to love their partner more than their ego. It’s relatively easy to change communication behaviors and follow the fair fighting rules, it’s a lot harder to look at oneself and take responsibility for how things got messed up in the first place. Pride starts as one component of couples therapy work, but it can become one of the biggest obstacles if not dealt with appropriately.
Couples may be moving along and making great progress in counseling, and then all of a sudden find themselves stuck and regressing to old unhealthy patterns. Now that we’ve gone below the surface, the core of the issues are getting exposed. And for someone with a fragile ego and low self esteem rooted in insecurity, this process just got real scary real quick. And then pride enters the therapy room and can sabotage the effectiveness of couples therapy. I don’t want that for anyone, so here’s a few reasons why it’s important to overcome pride and how it can lead to a more successful and fulfilling couples therapy experience.
Understanding the Role of Pride
Pride is a complex emotion. On one hand, authentic pride can give us confidence and self-esteem. On the other hand, hubristic pride can blind us to our own shortcomings and prevent us from acknowledging our mistakes. Without taking accountability, we’ll never get to a place of being wrong and allowing that to be ok, which is essential is relationships. Sometimes we’re wrong, sometimes we hurt our partners, and we all 100% have character flaws-which makes us human. In the context of a relationship, pride can manifest in various ways:
Refusing to Apologize
Pride can make it difficult for one or both partners to admit when they’re wrong. This can lead to unresolved conflicts and escalating arguments.
Avoiding Vulnerability
Pride often prevents individuals from opening up and expressing their true feelings. This lack of vulnerability can hinder genuine communication in couples therapy.
Blame-Shifting
When pride is at play, partners may be more inclined to shift blame onto the other person rather than accepting their own part in the issues at hand.
Competitive Attitude
Healthy relationships require collaboration and compromise. Pride can fuel a competitive attitude where partners vie for dominance instead of working together.
The Role of Pride in Couples Therapy
Couples therapy aims to foster understanding, empathy, and effective communication between partners. However, pride can obstruct progress in the following ways:
Communication Breakdown
Pride often leads to defensive communication. Partners may become focused on proving their point rather than listening to each other.
Stagnant Growth
When partners are too proud to admit their mistakes, personal growth becomes stagnant. Couples therapy is an opportunity for growth, but pride can hinder this process.
Missed Solutions
Overcoming relationship challenges often requires creative solutions. Pride can narrow one's perspective, making it difficult to see alternative ways to resolve issues.
Getting Over Pride in Couples Therapy
“Ok, pride is bad and it’s hurting our progress in couples therapy. What do I do now?” Remember to always talk to your therapist about feeling stuck, recognizing anything that you see contributing to stagnation, and ask for feedback and guidance.
Practice Active Listening
Couples therapy is about truly hearing your partner's perspective. Focus on listening without immediately formulating your response.
Take Responsibility
Acknowledge your mistakes and understand that nobody is perfect. Taking responsibility doesn't weaken you; it shows your commitment to the relationship.
Embrace Vulnerability
Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Opening up about your feelings fosters emotional intimacy and deepens the connection.
Prioritize the Relationship
Shift your focus from "winning" arguments to prioritizing the health of the relationship. This shift can lead to more cooperative problem-solving.
Seek Compromise
Compromise is crucial in any relationship. Be willing to find middle ground instead of sticking to rigid positions.
Making the Most of Couples Therapy
Couples therapy offers a remarkable opportunity for partners to mend their relationship, deepen their connection, and find happiness together. Do not waste your time and hard earned money on couples therapy if you’re too prideful to make progress. To make the most of this opportunity, it's essential to set aside your ego. Letting go of pride doesn't mean losing your identity or conceding defeat. Instead, it's about valuing the relationship enough to prioritize its growth and well-being over individual ego.
Remember, couples therapy is a journey you embark on together. By overcoming pride and embracing humility, you can pave the way for effective communication, lasting resolution of conflicts, and a more fulfilling relationship overall.
My name is Erika Labuzan-Lopez, LMFT-S, LPC-S and I’m the owner at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love using a variety of techniques to help couples learn why they move into childish spaces during conflict, how to put down those defenses for good, and what to do when you can’t access the tools you know will work to get out of conflict. I love working with couples and individuals to learn how to live in the world more relationally and engage in meaningful relationships. With over a decade of couples therapy experience, I am passionate about training and supervising therapists to become specialized in highly effective couples therapy. We see couples, individuals, and all residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule your FREE phone consultation.
Start Couples Therapy in League City, TX
Are you and your partner struggling with marital issues? Looking to build a strong and secure relationship? At Center For Couples Counseling, you and your partner can learn to reconnect, create a healthy relationship, and gain support from our skilled couples therapists. To get started with couples therapy follow these three simple steps:
Contact us to schedule an appointment
Meet with one of our caring couples therapists
Begin working on your relationship and reconnect with your partner.
Other Services Offered At Center For Couples Counseling
Our team understands your relationship might be facing different challenges. So our Texas practice offers other therapies to help you face these challenges. Other services include individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!