Building Intimacy: It Isn't Just Sex
I cannot even count the amount of times couples start discussing the subject of intimacy in their couples therapy session only to find that the definition of intimacy looks different among all of us! When discussing building intimacy, there is often a misconception that we are strictly talking about sex but this is far from the truth!
Intimacy is far more than just sex!
Intimacy involves emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, intellectual intimacy, spiritual intimacy, recreational intimacy, experiential intimacy, social intimacy, financial intimacy and, of course, creativity and playfulness. The importance of acting intentionally in all of these realms of intimacy is, in my opinion, one of the most significant factors in reconnection and repair within a relationship.
Building intimacy throughout the different areas of your relationship is important to help increase the feelings of connection and intentionality within the relationship.
“Wow, that seems like a lot of work! How do we work on these different areas of intimacy throughout the day?” Do not worry my friend, it is a lot to take in and we are going to explore what each of these realms involve.
Emotional Intimacy
We spend time communicating our feelings, thoughts, and dreams. Sharing emotions is safe when our partner makes room for empathy and compassion. The value of trusting your partner with your vulnerabilities is a significant part of emotional intimacy within the relationship.
Physical Intimacy
We explore connection through touch and physical closeness. Sex does live within physical intimacy but that is not all it is. Physical intimacy involves showing affection and building trust in platonic touch as well as being sexual with your partner.
Intellectual Intimacy
We intentionally engage in meaningful and significant conversations while sharing our ideas, excitement to learn and discussing our interests. It is okay to challenge ourselves and our partner while building intellectual intimacy; when done with compassion and understanding, this builds strength within the relationship.
Spiritual Intimacy
We share our beliefs and values while discussing our purpose, the meaning of life, and our morals. Spiritual connection and understanding strengthens the bond within a relationship.
Recreational Intimacy
We spend time together participating in hobbies and activities that further build the feelings of companionship within a relationship. Recreational intimacy prioritizes experiences that build some of those forever-memories we are excited to look back on and remember together or share with our loved ones.
Experiential Intimacy
We work hard together to overcome challenges, make significant life decisions and experience milestones together. We find that the feelings of teamwork and resilience within a relationship are often contributed to through experiential intimacy. There is joy and sadness in this realm.
Social Intimacy
We participate in the social circle of our partner; family and friends, and work to build friendships as a couple. We work hard to understand communication and dynamics within our partner’s inner circle to prevent miscommunications or misunderstandings. We are prioritizing the building of supportive relationships that we can depend on throughout our lives together.
Financial Intimacy
We are open and honest with each other regarding our financial history and work together to make significant financial decisions, create budgets, discuss financial goals and support each other in those goals. Working together builds a healthy foundation that contributes to individual and shared goals and values.
Creativity and Playfulness
We are mindful in participating in creative and playful activities together. It’s essential to prioritize increasing feelings of happiness and spontaneity within the relationship while exploring artistic and fun sides of ourselves and our partner. Have fun making jokes, telling stories, and fantasizing in this realm.
A part of building our intimacy within your relationship is being incredibly intentional about communicating with each other. It is imperative to take time to understand your partner’s preferences, needs, and wants in life. The primary goal is to find balance amongst the different realms of intimacy and to show true interest in continuing to learn about each other.
When you find balance within these realms of intimacy, you are ensuring that your and your partner’s needs are being openly communicated, understood, and intentionally prioritized within the relationship. That is an incredible accomplishment!! Spend some time this evening discussing ways you and your partner are experiencing the different realms of intimacy and explore what you can do together to further build intimacy within the relationship. Open communication is key to your journey through intimacy!
My name is Jaimi Douthit and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor at the Center for Couples Counseling. I love working with couples and individuals who are ready and motivated to make changes in their lives and relationships, who can handle feedback and encouragement, and engage in using the tools I teach in therapy outside of the therapy room. At the Center for Couples Counseling, we specialize in couples therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, self-care and burnout, and perfectionism. We help couples and individuals in the League City and Houston areas in person, and all residents of the State of Texas online. Call us at (832) 827-3288 to schedule a free phone consultation.
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