Couples Counseling: How to Choose the Right Therapist in League City, TX for Your Relationship
How long have you and your partner been dealing with a deep seated relationship problem that you haven’t gone to therapy for? Be honest.
Most couples wait several years, engaging in the same unhealthy patterns over and over again, finding some relief with temporary fixes, and then going back into the fight only to be left feeling defeated and exhausted. Not only are couples like this tired of arguing, they’re completely disconnected by the time they’re sitting in my office.
If the emotional wall is built in a way that’s impenetrable, couples therapy will be way harder than it needs to be. AND, I understand why it takes people so long to get help. Couples are often embarrassed to come to therapy and air all their dirty laundry in front of a stranger. It’s a weekly time commitment and financial obligation. It’s uncomfortable to open up and be vulnerable. And once you’ve worked through all those barriers, it’s hard to figure out how to choose a great couples therapist.
For some couples, this will be your first time engaging in therapy, and you don’t know what kind of therapist you need, let alone what questions to ask. Other couples have attended couples therapy for over a year, or seen 5 different counselors and feel they are venting the problem of the week but not actually getting anywhere productive.
Unfortunately, there are also a ton of therapists out there who aren’t trained in couples therapy or systemic models who take on couples work. Couples counseling is a specialized field of study, and takes even more skill to utilize in real practice. I attended a Marriage and Family Therapy program for grad school, have completed numerous trainings focused on couples work, and provided marriage counseling for thousands of hours over the past decade. However, you wouldn’t see me working with children in a million years-because that’s a completely different model of therapy and I’d literally have no idea what I was doing.
Whether your goal is to save your marriage or you want to find a way to end things in a healthy manner before everything explodes and you’re all left with collateral damage-it is imperative that you find the right person to help you. I’m going to share some quick tips to help you find a competent and effective therapist who can help you move from a “you and me” to a “we”.
4 Tips for How To Choose the Right Couples Therapist
Here’s some tips to help you choose a marriage counselor who will be the best fit for you and your partner’s specific needs.
Tip 1: Search for a Therapist who Specializes in Working with Couples
As I mentioned above, there are many therapists who will accept couples who have limited training on how to work with relationships. It’s really a whole different thing. As you’re doing your research, you’ll want to make sure the therapist is licensed in your state as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, or Licensed Psychologist. You will also want to ensure they have received couples therapy training and supervision.
My team uses an integrative approach, pulling interventions from Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Relational Life Therapy, and Emotionally Focused Therapy. Some therapists choose to get certified and use one specific model exclusively. There are many different approaches, but the most important thing you’ll want to look for is experience and training.
You also don’t want to spend your session time teaching your therapist a bunch of new terminology, so if you have relational considerations that require specialized knowledge, you’ll want to keep this as a top priority while searching. If ethical non-monogamy, LGBT+, kink/BDSM, non binary, BIPOC, or other marginalized issues are a factor in you receiving the best care, make sure the therapist you find has training and knowledge in these areas.
Tip 2: Take Advantage of the Free Phone Consultations and Do a Meaningful Interview
Most therapists offer a free phone consultation, and these are worth their weight in gold! You’ve been able to check some important requirements from a website, but you’ll want to get a feel for the couples therapist’s personality and how they work before you decide to set up an appointment. Here’s some important questions you can ask during that first phone call:
Have you received formal training and education in couples counseling?
What percentage of your work is with couples?
This will help you gauge how often the therapist utilizes their skills, and if they are passionate about working as a marriage counselor. Working with couples is hard and can be draining, so you have to really love it to keep a caseload of 50% or more couples.
What percentage of cases have improved as a result of therapy and working with you?
Therapy has no guaranteed outcomes, and most of the change comes from the efforts the client puts in. But it’s nice to hear how this therapist has impacted clients and the types of results they see in their practice.
What do you view as a successful outcome? What do you see change in couples before and after therapy? How does that change occur?
You can gain an understanding of how the therapist works and if that will align with your style. Do they expect you to do homework or read a book outside of session? Are they suggesting surface level interventions? A good couples therapist will explore some things that will help de-escalate the tension quickly, while recognizing those fixes are bandaids. You’ll want someone who will also guide you through making long lasting changes to how your relationship operates. This is what produces real changes in marriage. A date night is great, but it won’t cut it.
What are your views on divorce? Do you ever recommend divorce, and why or why not?
You’ll want to find someone who aligns with what you want for your marriage and ideally will operate within your goals. At times, therapists do recommend divorce in specific situations, and after every angle has been explored and attempts have been made for repair.
What does working with you look like? What is the process?
You’ll want to understand about frequency of sessions, what the assessment process looks like, an estimated duration of therapy, how the therapist and client work together, and if there’s a clear plan with tools or more loose exploration. There are so many styles and ways to conduct good meaningful therapy, and you want to make sure you understand what to expect before starting.
Tip 3: Commit to Attending Therapy for a Time Frame Before Quitting
Research shows that couples who commit to therapy show more improvement long-term. As you’re first coming into therapy and the counselor is getting to know your relationship, it may take some time to get settled in. Therapy is a combination of quick changes that stabilize the relationship immediately, and systemic long term changes that dismantle the unhealthy way you used to relate to each to create healthy dynamics going forward. I’d recommend sticking with therapy for at least 8 sessions to see how things progress before you decide if this style is working for you or not (unless there’s something glaring that makes it not a good fit from the start).
We ask our couples to commit to the 4 session assessment period, which involves an intake couples session, individual sessions for each partner, and a feedback session as a couple. By the fourth session (feedback session), our therapists are providing a solid plan of action and checking in with our clients to ensure everyone agrees on the approach. This works well and is a good time to let your counselor know if there’s any concerns you have or something they missed. Then you’ll want to have a few sessions to see how the plan plays out and if it’s effective. It’s taken time to get you to this unhealthy place, and it will take time to make it better.
Tip 4: Give LOTS of Feedback
While you want your therapist to have solid training and practical experience, they are not the expert on your marriage. You and your partner are the only ones who know your relationship and yourselves, so you have to be willing to share feedback during sessions. A good therapist welcomes feedback and wants to understand you and your relational patterns so they can help you in an effective way. If you notice dynamics showing up in sessions, between you and the counselor, or in yourself (like resistance), this is important data you’ll need to share. These are all avenues to be explored, because those behaviors and emotions are showing up in other areas of your life too. That’s what therapy is for, so lay all your expectations and fears out on the table from the start.
These are a few strategies to help you get the most success out of your search for a great couples counselor. It’s a bit time consuming, but putting in the effort up front will help you gain so much more from this experience. You’ll be grateful you did the work.
My name is Erika Labuzan-Lopez, LMFT-S, LPC-S and I’m the owner of the Center for Couples Counseling. I love using a variety of techniques to help couples learn why they move into childish spaces during the conflict, how to put down those defenses for good, and what to do when you can’t access the tools you know will work to get out of conflict. I love working with couples and individuals to learn how to live in the world more relationally and engage in meaningful relationships. With over a decade of couples therapy experience, I am passionate about training and supervising therapists to become specialized in highly effective couples therapy. We see couples, individuals, and all residents of Texas online. Call (832) 827-3288 to schedule your FREE phone consultation.
Interested in Meeting a Couples Therapist in League City, TX?
If you want to improve your relationship and reconnect with your partner, take action now and start being more curious about your relationship. At Center For Couples Counseling, one of our skilled couples therapists can help you and your partner navigate your challenges and rediscover the curiosity and passion that brought you together in the first place. Don't wait any longer to invest in the health and happiness of your relationship. To meet with a couples therapist follow these three simple steps:
Contact us to schedule an appointment
Meet with one of our skilled couples therapists
Begin to find the curiosity in your relationship and reconnect with your partner!
Other Services Offered at Center for Couples Counseling
At Center For Couples Counseling, our team of skilled therapists understands that your relationship may be facing different challenges. In addition to couples therapy, our Texas practice offers individual therapy, infertility counseling, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, therapy for self-care and burnout, and therapy for perfectionism. For more about us check out our FAQs and blog!