You’ve Never Been To Couples Therapy Before and You Have No Idea What To Expect
If you’re struggling in your relationship, you’re not alone. And I imagine if you’re on this website, you’ve been thinking about starting marriage counseling. You’ve tried talking to each other, to your friends, to the internet, to any stranger at the coffee shop who will listen, but nothing is helping change things long-term.
You can’t keep going around and around, staying stuck and feeling helpless. It’s time to get help from a couples therapy expert.
You know each other so well that you can write the script for the arguments you keep engaging in. It’s the weirdest space where you feel like your partner is your best friend and you simultaneously fear the marriage won’t last. Your relationship is beyond the early on squabbles of figuring out how to live together and what to do on Friday night; now you fight about painful stuff, and you have no idea how to get through to your partner. There have been small moments over the years in which you both questioned the partnership, and it feels heavy. You know you love each other, but where’s the fun, play, and connection?
Couples Therapy is Scary, That’s Why You Should Do It
I’m not going to lie, going to couples therapy is scary. I’m going to ask you to be honest with me, with each other, and most importantly yourself. You may fear that talking about our pain will make it worse. I’m here to tell you that’s not true, but it can take some time to make the deep repairs and change your relationship needs. Without a relationship expert to guide you, give you tools, bring attention to your communication patterns, heal your pain, and help you embrace having fun together without fear, you’ll continue finding yourself in relationship Groundhog Day hell. We can help.
What To Expect Your First Four Sessions
Couples Session 1
After you’ve made the decision to work with one of our therapists, we’ll begin the process of deeply getting to know your relationship. I like to think about the first session like we’re going to clean out our closets; you need to put everything out on the table and the therapist will help you begin sorting through it to figure out what we can let go of right away, what to hold onto, and what you’ll need to work through. By the end of the first session, you can expect to set preliminary goals and receive one tool or homework assignment to get you started.
Individual Sessions
The next two sessions will be individual sessions with each partner. We’ll use that time to explore your individual thoughts and perspectives, and you’ll be able to share things you may not be ready to say in front of your partner. The therapist will also use this opportunity to understand your family history, relationship history, and get a sense of how you view the world. The past influences the present, so although we won’t be digging in or healing your childhood stuff, we do want to understand how it impacts your current relationship.
Feedback and Planning Session
The fourth session is considered the feedback session and will finish the assessment process. In this session, the therapist will share their observations, feedback, and recommendations for moving forward in treatment. By the end of the session, you will set intentional goals, understand the approach and strategies your therapist will use, and have input in developing a good plan for creating success from your couples therapy experience.
Okay, Now What? What Will We Do in Therapy?
After getting a better understanding of your relationship and who you both are individually, providing feedback, and making a plan together, it’s time to start the real work. We will dig in deeply to work on your goals and not only feel better, but get your relationship where you want it to be. Sometimes that will mean doing an exercise in session, using new strategies, completing homework assignments, and practicing skills. Oftentimes your therapist will intervene during the session, and we’ll have the opportunity to change behaviors and communication patterns in real time. It could also mean we will sit together in silence or laughter, experiencing some humanness together.
Your therapist will regularly check in with both of you to make sure things are still on track and we’re making good progress or if we need to make adjustments. At some point you’ll both come in knowing exactly what your therapist will say about the last fight you had or decision you need to make without needing to come to session, and it’ll be time to say our goodbyes. (Don’t worry, there will be a process for that too!)